Jelousy

Good morning,

I feel like jealousy is an empty sentiment, like why would you go out of your way to feel disdain for someone else's good fortune. Or, what in many cases, appears to be good fortune. Not to come off as cliché, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side, sometimes it's shit brown.

Another thing about jealously is that those who suffer from it want others around them to feel as they do and feel equally miserable. It is a part of the human condition after all.  I mean there is a reason envy is one of the seven deadly sins.

I am a firm believer in finding the beauty of your own life and rolling with it. Why waste bad energy being jealous of anybody else, when you can put forth that energy towards attaining what it is you want. I'm not saying that petty jealously won't happen, because it will. But a heavy jealousy and an outward hatred of another person are not the way to go about it. Neither is making other people miserable. Don't waste the time or effort. Be a go-getter.

Not to sound all "Shia LaBeouf" but, JUST DO IT! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. Let go of your jealous inhibitions and embrace your inner power and self-worth.

Make it a great one!

Renaissance

Philosophically I've been playing around with a ton of ideas lately, I've been doing a ton of thinking. I've been thinking more about the now and more about myself everyday. I'm finally happy in my own skin, and I feel as if I belong. Yesterday, I went to the beach and while my friends were off playing volleyball, I came to a realization. I'm happy. I am truly, undeniably happy. I feel alive, and I feel free. I'm absolutely terrified for the semester to start.

Right now, I'm living alone. One of my favorite things has become grocery shopping. The simple act of shopping for food and things for the house have made me so happy.

Last night I took a bubble bath, and never have I felt manlier. You know, it's strange but as I relaxed in the steaming water, with my smooth jazz iTunes radio station, and pineapple and vanilla cake candles burning, I felt like a man. I felt like my own man.

This summer has changed my life. I just feel good all the time. Happy. Being on my own with my bills and working two jobs has been an incredible blessing that I will forever be grateful for. It's as if I was made for this life. I love being at work, because both of my jobs have shifted from places I have to go to, to places where I can be with friends, who care about me and understand me. It just so happens that I get paid while hanging out with these very special people. And one of the jobs happens to be in an office building downtown, which of course, I have only ever dreamed of, and have always desired.

I really feel like my own person, so much so that I'm a little terrified for my roommates to move back in, because no longer will it be my bathroom, my kitchen, or my hallway. It will be ours and I have to share again. Call it selfish, but it is the human condition.

I think I might be in love. And developing feelings for another. And another, and another. If you've ever read any of my posts, you know how I am. However, I would consider myself very much single right now. Im just having fun. Speaking of my previous posts, I want those to be seen as a chapter in a previous life of mine. I am NOT who I was a simple couple of months ago. This summer changed me. As I post more and more I hope that those reading can sympathize with my change and see that I really have come into my own. This is the new me. This post will begin a new chapter for Mr. Zack Reese. A chapter I am delighted and honored to share with anybody who would like to be a part of it, virtually or otherwise. I look forward to embarking on this journey and my ever-evolving and growing writing style.

At this point there are still a few more weeks of summer and I'm not going to make false or empty promises of posting more frequently, because that will come more gradually over time. Life has inspired me to pick up my pen again, or to type, rather. Life is beautiful, and I once again I am so blessed to be able to share it with you.

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Pilgrims

I've decided to distance myself from social media when a couple nights ago, I found myself absolutely creeping on everybody I work with at Target. This and very minimal use of Facebook are all I'm going to employ the use of until the end of summer. 3 months. In these three months, I hope to make real connections, not based off of social media. While I love social media, I do believe it is destroying what little culture we have left.

There will be more on this and what else has been going on in my life later today. If anybody's reading these, my heart goes out to you, if not, well, that is fine too.

Talk to ya.

By the way, below is a picture of my that I just find hilarious.

-Zack

Bright Future

I am finally in the world, and I am making waves. Big ones. I want my name to be known, at least locally (at first) as I build my empire. Physically and mentally I want to reach the next level. All it takes is hard work, a little bit of effort goes a long way. I want to be known as the guy people will call when they need a PR person. I aim to be "the PR Guy." The future looks bright and I am ready to take it on head first. My fire is back and this summer I'm gonna become notorious or at the very least get some more opportunities. I'm addicted to this feeling, I'm addicted to the pay checks and the experience. This is fucking cool man. But just because I have made more time for work doesn't mean I don't have time to play too.😜

I really just think it's important to do what you love. And that is what I'm doing. To have found my niche in life is such a blessing and I couldn't be more grateful to everyone who helped me get here and for all the opportunities to come in the future.

Today

March 17, 2015

I have had an epiphany. I have begun to think that there is nobody out there, at least presently, that is suitable to be with me. I am too busy, too focused. I have my goals and I will make those goals. I'm going back to the gym this week for real. The ONLY reason I haven't is because I was afraid of people making fun of me for "working out wrong." Fuck that. I don't care anymore. I will listen to my music run and lift and not give a damn. I'm focused on my work, my schooling and my ongoing internship. Today I was tasked with booking some radio  interviews for the bossman. He also wants me to completely tackle his PR campaign for a movie releasing in a month anyway I see fit. I got an advanced screening of the movie,  look at me go.

I think I need to wait until I am older to get serious with anyone. What I need is support and I just fear that the people I have considered as my other half aren't the supportive type. I go out of my way to support others, it would be nice is all. If these individuals could prove to me that they would be able to support me and understand that I won't always be there but that doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not still thinking about them 24/7, it doesn't mean I don't love them. This is the kind of person I need.

I'm just thinking, and scheduling,  and thinking some more. All I hear swimming around in my head right now is: work, PR, intership, MONEY, school,  alcohol, and then fighting with those thoughts are my more human emotions. It's so hard to balance the two sometime.

And I know what you're thinking now. What about sex? Truth is, I don't know; as lame as it sounds I think I care more about the person and the emotional connection then the sex. You know,  yeah it's cool and it feels good but it isn't everything. It's so easy to get drunk and fuck. It's so easy to have sex. But what's hard is making that emotional connection. What's hard, especially for me, is expressing how I feel towards another person. I'll get there someday.

This is what happens when I have school followed by work. I get to thinking.

Laters baby. (Do you get the reference?  I'm so ashamed.)

I am alive. Really alive.

March 13, 2015

The last time you heard from me was about a month ago right? Maybe more? Anyways I suppose I should get you up to speed on what's been going on since my disappearance. In the last month and a half, I.have.changed. I don't just mean physically, but mentally. I am different than I used to be. I feel as if this may be why I haven't written in so long. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Evidently, I am going to reveal my true identity within the contents of this post. Or at the very least I will reveal my first name out of fear of what could happen to me if I reveal everything. God I feel like Amy Elliot Dunne writing this. (Just finished reading Gone Girl, messed me up real good.)

In the last couple of months since the semester has begun, I have gotten fat again, (I think so, no one else does) was affected by a particularly nasty spell of SAD; (Literally sadness brought on by the winter - seasonal effective disorder) I have been kicking absolute ass at school, my grades are astronomical. I have become a quasi-alcoholic, depending on that drink every weekend to take the stress out of my life. I have borderline hooked up with randoms multiple times, including a guy (yes, you read that right) who was trying to get into my pants while I was blacked out, although I think he was too. If he wasn't he certainly acts like it, I've seen him the past two days on campus. I only know about the ordeal because I came to in the middle of him caressing my hand, and I promptly ran away. That story will most definitely be part of my lost files which I will write hopefully over spring break. What else has happened? Oh! I signed a lease on a house with two of my friends from school, and we all have a little bit of a bromance among the three of us. It's"adorkable." I move out and into my place April 1st. (April fools! Except not really, because it's actually happening.) I worry about myself this summer in the house alone most of the time because my roomies will be returning to their hometowns. I lived like a pilgrim for exactly 4 days when my phone met an unfortunate end. I got into a car accident and fled the scene, only to be followed and screamed at by an angry black woman. I turned down a cruise to Central America! Straight up backed out. My old friends have cut off complete contact with me, and oddly enough, I don't actually care. I have made so many new, real friends in the time since I last wrote, it's inconsequential. I have fallen in and out of love exactly three times, with two and a half people. I am out of shape. I have become the vice president of the PRSSA. I have tried transferring Target stores. (Jury's still out on that one) I am looking for other work opportunities. I now have a real-live Mohawk. (Mixed reviews on that one) I might be getting a new car today, I have been working diligently on my internship, with a bunch of incompetent fools. (I NEED a new one for the summer, preferably paid.) My eyes have stopped degrading. I came into a large sum of cash and promptly paid off most of my debts. I have begun to question myself and my motives, I've begun to see that I am special, to some degree. I am BRILLIANT. I am WITTY. I am WARM. (Another Gone Girl reference, I can't help myself, it's utterly haunting and phenomenal and stuck in my head.) I had a quiet nervous breakdown when I piled too much work onto myself. I'm fine now. I am calling into work Sunday in order to get drunk with my roommates at the St. Paddy's Day Parade. Who am I? My tastes have changed slightly, I like watching hockey and more stupid shows that the male population seem to like to watch without any plot line, or any effort put into the writing at all. I like bad Netflix movies. I like to sip a beer while watching these things. I am a man. I also finally know and understand what and who I want, and one of my lusts actually falls into the cliche of "been right in front of you the whole time." Fuck.

 I say I don't want to marry or have children but this is a lie. A cold painful lie. I want to be a good husband and father. I want the stupid dog, I want the white picket fence, I want to play catch with my kids. I want all that sappy shit. My shell has been cracked. I'm 255% more human than I have ever been and that scares the shit out of me. Drunk Zack (me) can attest to that. The me I am when I am drunk is vastly different from when I am sober. When sober I am cold, calculating, everything is my joke, the world is mine to laugh at. I think deeply before saying something. I think of every scenario and come up with back-up plans on the spot. I am a genius. When I am drunk or high,(I've been smoking lately again, weed and cigarettes.) I become weak. I can't stop words from rolling off of my tongue. I become a "hugger." I have allowed this trait to bleed into my actual life. I like being kind to people, I like human contact. I think depriving myself of it for so long has made me crave it all the more. I like both sides of me I decided, my friends agree. I'm pretty sure I know what direction my life is headed and I love that. There are some things I will not disclose on here, some things that must be kept to myself for the time being. I am a slut. In more ways then one. It is possible, you know. I will let you do what you will with that.

I have begun reading a new book every week. I am well-read. Who am I? You know, I continually bring up the theme of who I am, but the truth is I am me. I am Zack. I am finally happy. I am me. I am hungover and I am ecstatic. I am sure I've forgotten some things but these recollections will come back to me in time.

We'll talk soon.

Zack. (AKA John Doe)

HWG

Wednesday January 21

I swear I'm a werewolf. No joke. So this morning I woke up to my big, dumb, 100-pound Chcolate Lab, Buster breathing by my face. It was early, and I realized I was awake because I was crouched like a creature glaring at him. I felt myself flip up and onto all fours the second I woke up and it was really fast and bizarre. The ONLY reason I know it was real was because he took off running, and I groaned and rolled over and looked at my phone to see what time it was before falling back asleep. Moral of the story: don't mess with me when I'm sleeping, I will pounce like a tiger. I knew it was going to be a weird day when that's how it started.

         Tonight was strange too. Within five minutes of clocking in at work I was bombarded with a co-worker telling me about how she was going to have a meeting with a DA over her abusive boyfriend/ex-boyfriend thing, the phone was ringing with stupid people on the other line and "Hot Wheels Guy" showed up. I suppose I should backtrack a little bit. The specific co-worker I'm referring to is one of the sweetest girls ever and she's actually hilarious too. That's why I feel  so bad for her when she comes to work crying, or tells me her stories about her boyfriend. The poor thing loves him so much that although he has assaulted her on more than one occasion, and even perforated her eardrum she still stays with him. That kind of love is terrifying. She decided to press charges and got a restraining order against him but they got back together. The first time she told me about this guy hitting her, I was furious. One of the worst things a man can do in this world is hit a woman. It's inexcusable and unacceptable. The craziest thing is that they both had a lot of fucked up shit happen to them and that has built and built and you see what happens. I'm just glad she's trying to get out of that situation. People and relationships honestly freak me out. 

I'm not even going to get into the stupid things people call the store for. It's honestly so unbelievable that people can't look up things for themselves. It's lazy. Hot Wheels Guy is this thirty-something-year-old guy who comes in to Target literally three or four times a week in his USPS uniform and destroys the Hot Wheels aisle. He also heckles whoever is working in the back of the store where Electronics and Toys are located, (usually me) to go into the back stockroom and pull out the bulk boxes of the Hot Wheels. I guess he's like a crazy collector or something, and he like really gets into it. One time, he showed me pictures on his phones of all of his stupid Hot Wheels and the guy literally has at least three of each one. He also told me he goes to all the other retail stores in the area and does the same thing. He's literally so annoying, and I always just smile and do whatever he says to get him out of the store quicker. Apparently this was the wrong way to go and I should've just been a douche because every time I see him now he yells out my name obnoxiously, shakes my hand, and talks to me about his wife. It's weird okay. It's even got to the point where he'll tell other employees and my bosses how great I am, and they're like "Who is he, a friend?" And I'm like "No, that's just Hot Wheels Guy."  

It's literally 3:30 a.m. and I'm laying in my bed watching random episodes of Degrassi. I'm not ashamed to say that I have seasons one through twelve of the show on DVD. Everybody I know makes fun of me for it, but I know deep down they all love it too, or at the very least, they've watched it and not hated it. I am so screwed for my 8 a.m. class next week. True Life: My Sleeping Schedule is Messed Up. 

Jobs

Wednesday January 14

Today was a big day for little old me. I got engaged. No I'm totally kidding, I'm still super single. BUT it was a big day because I kinda sorta pushed my nonsensical anxiety issues to the back burner. Last week I got an email that "Jobsapalooza 2015" was just around the corner. That event was today. Basically it was a job fair at the Buffalo Marriott hotel, that's the hotel where all the big events that aren't in downtown Buffalo take place, it's also the hotel where visiting NFL teams generally stay. 

The event sounded like a great idea and I was so ready to go. I'm at that part of my college career where I need to start thinking past Target and try to snag as many internships as possible. I mean ideally I'm also looking for a job in my field that pays more than what I'm making now. Then today rolled around and I freaked out a little bit. I read through the program online, and saw all of the participating employers and what specific positions they were looking to fill. However, most of the positions being offered were in the more business or financial sectors. There were a few communications openings which of course is my specialty as a public relations and communication studies dual major. Those few were my goal. With my new haircut in tow, I discovered the wonders of hair gel for the first time post-shower. My hair didn't move at all, it was so cool, who knew? 

I left the house a little too early because of how excited I was, so I decided to stop by the mall and get sunglasses and earrings since it was sunny, like really sunny despite the whole 20 degrees thing and I can't hang on to a pair of earrings to save my life. You know, people really treat you differently when you're well dressed. I was dressed in a gray Canali suit jacket, (funny story, I looted that jacket out of the lost-and-found at my old job working laundry and housekeeping at a hotel by Niagara Falls, no way could I actually afford a jacket like that. Holy run on.) a blue plaid shirt from American Eagle, black slacks, and grey dress shoes with blue shoe laces. I was also wearing pink dress socks from Express and Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Those coupled with the faux diamond studs in my ears and my aviators had me feeling like I was in a movie. That was a lot of name dropping but it's only to stress my point that I felt good. That was until I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, five minutes to one o'clock, when the event was starting. My nerves got the better of me.

All that confidence I had a mere fifteen minutes earlier was flying out the window at a rapid pace. It diminished with every suited man or woman I saw leaving their car and trek across the parking lot to the hotel entrance. I called a friend of mine and informed them of my massive freak out and they told me just to leave. Gee thanks. I really don't know why I felt so small, I realize now because this was my first time stepping into the world of business at large. I texted my mom with my problems and she reassured me as best she could, God bless her and all she deals with, with all of my quirks. And of course as luck would have it, in the middle of our "textversation," my phone died. I was on my own. So I took a deep breath, looked in my rearview mirror and said "screw it, you're hot. Go in there and own this. Start your future." I fixed my tie and got out of my car resumes in hand. I don't know if you know this but job fairs are so awkward. Literally the employers just sit or stand at their respective tables and stare at you hopefully as you walk by. It's intimidating to be completely honest. In those few seconds of them staring I was afraid to make eye contact because that would lead to a conversation about a job that I'm not qualified for or a job that isn't within my passion. The few people who were looking for people in my field were not there when I was, and I can't say I was honestly that surprised, I mean my luck and everything. Overall, I lasted fifteen minutes before I was putting my sunglasses back on and walking the hell out of that hotel. I had enough. Was the entire endeavor unfruitful? Yes, but more importantly I proved to myself that I can go into a professional social setting alone and survive. I'm more adult than I ever have been. Besides, I was the hottest guy in there. Joking of course. Kind of. 

Today was also a big day because my baby brother Elijah turned 7! Good God almighty, he makes me feel old.  I remember the day I came home from school and there he was, those were my "emo" days. I remember them with so much distaste. He and I have come so far, and I'm not ashamed to say that he is one of my best friends. 

I was sent out to get balloons, and banners to hang around the house, whilst my mom made cupcakes for when Eli got home from school. I bought those pointy party hats too, because who doesn't love hats right? I even got my two teenage siblings AJ and Lauryn to wear the party hats for Eli. It was so unexpected because they're both in high school and so I definitely thought they would be "too cool" for the hats. I remember how much of an ass I was at that age. After the birthday boy got home we all went to Dave and Buster's for dinner and to play games. It was so fun for all five of us to actually enjoy being with one another and it is definitely going to be one of the highlights of this break for me.  

Stfu

Sunday January 11

Socially awkward people drive me insane. Of course, I have my own fits of social awkwardness, but it's not anything to the point of people openly disliking me for that specific trait. There's this woman at work, who is just really out there and over the busy Christmas season she was placed in electronics with me and my crew. I felt bad for the poor girl, we were all already established as a group and I almost felt like a male Plastic. (I'm looking at you Gretchen Wieners.) This girl brought everything upon herself though, and it was bad timing due to the stress of the holidays. In retail we refer to that time as "Hell on Earth." 

The big problem with this girl, Stephanie, was that she talked and talked and I definitely mentioned her before. She would talk over customers, butt into conversations and have random anxiety attacks that would leave her in tears. Now, if she hadn't already put all of her business out there, I wouldn't be doing so now. But she did, so there's that. I think she was just lonely so she always had to keep talking in the hopes that someone would listen. Some of us see therapists, others bring their shit to work. She told everybody her issues and let her emotional state become an impact on her work performance daily.

Apparently she showed multiple co-workers scars on her wrists from where she had cut herself due to the stress of her life. She's a mother of three. I just don't think that's responsible parenting. Like, what would your kids do without you, if you're attention seeking ways went awry? That's such a gamble with fate. She also explained to everyone that she was late for work one day because she was getting treated for lice. Um, ew. She had these highs and lows. According to her, she had these meltdowns because she was mixing depression and anxiety medications. And literally, I'm thinking, okay I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't mix fucking meds. 

Which brings me to today. She came to work early for the specific purpose of talking to someone, and lucky me I was taking my break at that exact moment, so I had to listen to it for 20 minutes. I recorded some of it and put it on Snapchat. I didn't feel bad about it either. I understand wanting to air your shit out, but there are times for that and specific people for that too. Everybody's situation is different but good Lord sister, get it together!  

Facebook

Saturday January 10

Facebook is so annoying. I absolutely hate when people at work add me on Facebook, because then I feel obligated to creep on them and then there's nothing left to the imagination. I like it though because it's means that they trust me enough to know them on a quasi-personal level which is really cool. Sometimes, I think about what it was like before Facebook. Before, we had the ability to post everything and be super judged by everyone who sees it. The 90s/early 2000s were a much simpler time. I bring this up because four people from work added me on Facebook in the last week, one of which I blatantly flirt with weekly. The other three have become routine to me and have been incorporated into my weekly habits. We all chit chat about our lives and about the hot gossip going around Target, and usually I try to talk about football to no avail. It's funny, half of Target is really machismo and into sports and the other is more into like the Kardashians. It's a healthy enough blend. I'm right in between that blend. I've also found that a common denominator among the staff is alcohol. That may or may not be a good thing. 

Passion

Wednesday January 7

Paris. It's one of many cities I'm planning to visit before I die. Paris was attacked by terrorists today and twelve people died. Twelve lives. I had no idea until I scrolled through my Twitter feed. When I started college, I was a journalism major, so I suppose my leftover instinct from that time period came out and I dug deep to learn all I could about these attacks. It was devastating. I mean, Paris is supposed to be the picturesque example of love and beauty right?

In lieu of that debacle, tonight at work something really cool happened. A middle aged woman who later told me her name was Laura came in looking for an SD card for her phone. I helped her with that and had to reassure her like seven times, no joke, that it was the right one for her. Then we got to talking and she started to tell me all about how she needs to card because she's a starting musician and she makes YouTube videos. So I did my usual over enthusiastic "wow that's so cool!" It seemed to me that the poor woman barely got complimented because she was elated from my compliments. So much so that she pulled out her phone and asked me if I had time to watch one of her videos. I said yes and I'm glad I did. This woman must be a musical savant or something. She told me that she can memorize pieces by ear, and play them on her keyboard within a couple times of hearing said song. She played this specific video and I was blown away, it was incredible and the way she looked in the video was something else. She was so into her music, so into her passion. It was what she loved to do, that much was evident. The song she played was absolutely gorgeous. After it was over, I was like bouncing with how good it was and I told her to keep it up, and how great it was and how I could tell that it was what she loved. She looked like she was ready to cry tears of joys. It made me happy to see somebody else so happy. I think I might've given Laura the wrong impression because I'm really into eye contact, and so five minutes later while I was fiddling with something on a shelf, she appeared out of nowhere and thanked me again, and kind of barked out her name, and said it was a pleasure meeting me, I kindly said that the pleasure was all mine. She lingered for a moment and I'm thinking, uh-oh she wants me to ask her out. And then, I thought, no way sister, wrong tree, you could be my mother. But she turned and left in a hurry. It was really bizarre, but I'm glad I met Laura. I hope she goes far with her passion.

Retail

Friday January 2

Who ever said working in retail was easy, was a damn liar. With that being said its one of the most interesting experiences of my life. It forces me daily to question the future of the human race. Okay, now that may be a little overdramatic, but really some of the things I see and hear make me either want to laugh hysterically or shake my head in a slow and disappointed kind of way. Or both, at the same time. Retail has also taught me that I have several pet peeves I was not aware of before being put in retail.

Take tonight for example. The first Friday of the month. Usually that would mean payday for most, (such as was the case for myself) or for another part of society, as many of you many know the day before was the day those on welfare and benefits get their, well, benefits and welfare. So that coupled with payday is sure to lead to some kind of chaos. Target was a battle zone, a free-for-all, and a mad frenzy. There was even an extremely loud woman who had an obvious drug problem pushing around a cart with a chihuahua in it. Why was the chihuahua in the cart? Your guess is as good as mine. There was a woman who had twins named Anthony and Antonella. I wonder what their father's name was? When I arrived on the Target scene there was a little boy no older than six playing Maroon 5 songs on the tablet displays and belting out the lyrics at the top of his lungs.  Phone calls rang incessantly, people were getting nasty and rude all around and it was almost anarchy. Overdramatic, I know, I know. By the way, the "Maroon 5 kid" was there for at least half an hour, while his father was off in who knows where. In today's society, leaving my kid for that would've scared the living crap out of me. I don't know maybe I'm just crazy? 

I absolutely cannot stand when people do not use proper manners when calling the store. It never fails to drive me absolutely insane. Sometimes people are just SO rude and inconsiderate, like I am trying to help you, do NOT give me an attitude right off the bat. Speaking of phone calls I am 99.9% sure that I spoke on the phone today with Stephen Hawking, either that or it was one of the most robotic, monotone voices I have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

Another thing about Target is that I work in the Electronics Department exclusively and so people often ask really stupid questions. And I know that sounds bad because "there's no such thing as a stupid question." Except that's wrong and there are totally stupid questions. People asking the price of something when it says right in front of it the price....STUPID. People asking what Wi-Fi is.......STUPID. People asking how to install an air conditioner....STUPID. (True story, it happened once.) The list goes on and on and is endless, but you get the picture. And I can hear you now: "that IS stupid, I would never ask questions like that." Until you do, but I digress.  Another perk of being in Electronics is that I'm by the wall of TVs on their infinite loop. The loops generally consist of commercials and a music advertisement of some sort. Last month it was Idina Menzel's Christmas album, (Did you know she was married to Taye Diggs for 10 years, because I sure as hell didn't.) and this month it's a clip featuring the chorus of It's a Hard Knock Life from the new rendition of Annie. Joy. Every time it comes on I want to hard knock life the shit out of the TVs. 

I feel really bad about this because you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but let's real, real quick, we all do. So when customers (in Target-land we refer to them as guests, cue eye-roll) come in to the store and they're not looking so hot, I'm not any less kind or welcoming on the outside but internally as they're talking to me I'm usually thinking things like "why would you leave the house like that?" or "oh my gosh, you look like shit, let me help you!" I even feel bad writing it but come on, I know I'm not the only one. I'm not a ten by any means, and I don't always dress up to par, but I don't know when I look bad, I feel bad. But hey, if you have enough confidence to rock that, then by all means do your thing!

Target might one day lead me to a mental breakdown.