Today

March 17, 2015

I have had an epiphany. I have begun to think that there is nobody out there, at least presently, that is suitable to be with me. I am too busy, too focused. I have my goals and I will make those goals. I'm going back to the gym this week for real. The ONLY reason I haven't is because I was afraid of people making fun of me for "working out wrong." Fuck that. I don't care anymore. I will listen to my music run and lift and not give a damn. I'm focused on my work, my schooling and my ongoing internship. Today I was tasked with booking some radio  interviews for the bossman. He also wants me to completely tackle his PR campaign for a movie releasing in a month anyway I see fit. I got an advanced screening of the movie,  look at me go.

I think I need to wait until I am older to get serious with anyone. What I need is support and I just fear that the people I have considered as my other half aren't the supportive type. I go out of my way to support others, it would be nice is all. If these individuals could prove to me that they would be able to support me and understand that I won't always be there but that doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not still thinking about them 24/7, it doesn't mean I don't love them. This is the kind of person I need.

I'm just thinking, and scheduling,  and thinking some more. All I hear swimming around in my head right now is: work, PR, intership, MONEY, school,  alcohol, and then fighting with those thoughts are my more human emotions. It's so hard to balance the two sometime.

And I know what you're thinking now. What about sex? Truth is, I don't know; as lame as it sounds I think I care more about the person and the emotional connection then the sex. You know,  yeah it's cool and it feels good but it isn't everything. It's so easy to get drunk and fuck. It's so easy to have sex. But what's hard is making that emotional connection. What's hard, especially for me, is expressing how I feel towards another person. I'll get there someday.

This is what happens when I have school followed by work. I get to thinking.

Laters baby. (Do you get the reference?  I'm so ashamed.)