Retail

Friday January 2

Who ever said working in retail was easy, was a damn liar. With that being said its one of the most interesting experiences of my life. It forces me daily to question the future of the human race. Okay, now that may be a little overdramatic, but really some of the things I see and hear make me either want to laugh hysterically or shake my head in a slow and disappointed kind of way. Or both, at the same time. Retail has also taught me that I have several pet peeves I was not aware of before being put in retail.

Take tonight for example. The first Friday of the month. Usually that would mean payday for most, (such as was the case for myself) or for another part of society, as many of you many know the day before was the day those on welfare and benefits get their, well, benefits and welfare. So that coupled with payday is sure to lead to some kind of chaos. Target was a battle zone, a free-for-all, and a mad frenzy. There was even an extremely loud woman who had an obvious drug problem pushing around a cart with a chihuahua in it. Why was the chihuahua in the cart? Your guess is as good as mine. There was a woman who had twins named Anthony and Antonella. I wonder what their father's name was? When I arrived on the Target scene there was a little boy no older than six playing Maroon 5 songs on the tablet displays and belting out the lyrics at the top of his lungs.  Phone calls rang incessantly, people were getting nasty and rude all around and it was almost anarchy. Overdramatic, I know, I know. By the way, the "Maroon 5 kid" was there for at least half an hour, while his father was off in who knows where. In today's society, leaving my kid for that would've scared the living crap out of me. I don't know maybe I'm just crazy? 

I absolutely cannot stand when people do not use proper manners when calling the store. It never fails to drive me absolutely insane. Sometimes people are just SO rude and inconsiderate, like I am trying to help you, do NOT give me an attitude right off the bat. Speaking of phone calls I am 99.9% sure that I spoke on the phone today with Stephen Hawking, either that or it was one of the most robotic, monotone voices I have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

Another thing about Target is that I work in the Electronics Department exclusively and so people often ask really stupid questions. And I know that sounds bad because "there's no such thing as a stupid question." Except that's wrong and there are totally stupid questions. People asking the price of something when it says right in front of it the price....STUPID. People asking what Wi-Fi is.......STUPID. People asking how to install an air conditioner....STUPID. (True story, it happened once.) The list goes on and on and is endless, but you get the picture. And I can hear you now: "that IS stupid, I would never ask questions like that." Until you do, but I digress.  Another perk of being in Electronics is that I'm by the wall of TVs on their infinite loop. The loops generally consist of commercials and a music advertisement of some sort. Last month it was Idina Menzel's Christmas album, (Did you know she was married to Taye Diggs for 10 years, because I sure as hell didn't.) and this month it's a clip featuring the chorus of It's a Hard Knock Life from the new rendition of Annie. Joy. Every time it comes on I want to hard knock life the shit out of the TVs. 

I feel really bad about this because you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but let's real, real quick, we all do. So when customers (in Target-land we refer to them as guests, cue eye-roll) come in to the store and they're not looking so hot, I'm not any less kind or welcoming on the outside but internally as they're talking to me I'm usually thinking things like "why would you leave the house like that?" or "oh my gosh, you look like shit, let me help you!" I even feel bad writing it but come on, I know I'm not the only one. I'm not a ten by any means, and I don't always dress up to par, but I don't know when I look bad, I feel bad. But hey, if you have enough confidence to rock that, then by all means do your thing!

Target might one day lead me to a mental breakdown.