Pilgrims

I've decided to distance myself from social media when a couple nights ago, I found myself absolutely creeping on everybody I work with at Target. This and very minimal use of Facebook are all I'm going to employ the use of until the end of summer. 3 months. In these three months, I hope to make real connections, not based off of social media. While I love social media, I do believe it is destroying what little culture we have left.

There will be more on this and what else has been going on in my life later today. If anybody's reading these, my heart goes out to you, if not, well, that is fine too.

Talk to ya.

By the way, below is a picture of my that I just find hilarious.

-Zack

:/

I am so confused.  This hot and cold shit is making me crazy. Either you want me or you don't. It's that simple.

Saturday Night and We in the Spot

Saturday January 24

Directly following Target tonight, I had a three hour production meeting for the company I am doing PR for: White Lion Studios. I had to go a pick up some guy on my way to the meeting because he doesn't have a car or something like that. I was skeptical because I don't like picking up strange men I don't know and riding with them to a meeting I don't know two shits about. For all I knew, I could've been walking into a swingers convention and held against my will. Not that I would be too opposed. They call me their PR intern, but I'm heading their PR efforts so I don't know we'll see. So I went to this guys house and sat outside for five minutes before texting the bossman and asking him if I should ring the doorbell to this strange house. He sent back yes. So I walked up to the house. No doorbell. Swell. I knocked and a very angry dog on the other side started barking at me. A man on the other side screamed at it and then cracked the door and said I'll be right out. His name was Marcelo and he had a strong and heavy Puerto Rican accent. He was nice, and noticeably older. It was just awkward. Then we couldn't find the meeting location. It was in a local restaurant that the company rented out for the meeting.  It was so hard to find, but we did find it eventually. Walking in the meeting was just starting and we introduced ourselves and I gave my piece on what I'm going to be doing with the company and blah blah blah. Then I found out that Marcelo was on my team in graphics and campaigning and I was kind of thankful I had the car ride to get to know him a little bit. We're meeting for coffee this week to discuss ideas. I can't discuss further what went on in the meeting because I signed a non-disclosure agreement. All I can say is that I am working on promoting a certain show that is currently in production.I like half of the company at this time. The other half are kind of out there, or too arrogant for me to handle at the moment. I zoned out way too much during the meeting, looking forward to what the night was going to bring me. 

Boy oh boy. I'm just going to get into it. Yesterday my world traveler friend told me about her birthday party tonight at a brand new night club in the Seneca Niagara Casino called Club Stir. She had a reserved table with bottle service and it was her and her friends from work. She invited me to come as well. Why would I say no to that? Why would anybody in their right mind?

I looked hot tonight. Like really hot. Like I would do me. I had on these tighter maroon-purple pants and white shirt with blue and grey polka dots and grey shoes with blue laces. My hair was gelled to perfection, contacts in, teeth shiny. I went to the casino and parked on the ramp around 11:15 p.m. I took a huge gulp of the Hypnotiq I bought yesterday and walked in. I walked like I owned the place. Blame the French liquor. I didn't even get ID'd to go onto the casino floor. I don't look that old. I met up with my friend who's party it was. (From this point on, I'm just going to use her first name: Katherine, because honestly she won't care, she's a bro.) 

And we went to the club which was actually an open floor club in the back corner of the casino floor, pretty cool. There was a woman and her band wailing out that horrid Meghan Trainor All About that Bass song. Walking to the entrance to the club we met up with half of the party group because the other hadn't shown up yet. We all made small talk and I was introduced to everybody. They were all mildly attractive. Then the second group came and joined us, and I was impressed that they were all pretty attractive as well. I'm being underwhelming. We were a HOT group, good Lord! 

We all entered the club and piled in to our round table, complete with reserved sign and all. Everyone was so welcoming to me, it was so nice. We all sat and critiqued the band for a little bit deciding we didn't like them. We started to occasionally yell jabs at them, which obviously got worse the drunker we got. The guys aside from me all started with beer, the girls with their fruity drinks, and then there was me. I ordered two shots of patron. They were disgusting. They went down so roughly and made me catch my breath. After that I ordered a beer. Two of the three other guys had already started drinking before we got there so we were at about the same level of "drunkeness." The girls were drunk quickly, of course. More beer and more liquor and we were all chatting and then Beyoncé started playing throughout the club, after the band had taken a break. The girls were gone, and just the four of us guys remained at the table, talking about sports, beer, vaginas, and checking out random girls around the bar. Funnily enough we were all singing along and dancing at the table too. Alcohol makes making friends so much easier. Then the one guy asked us if we wanted anything from the bar and I knew I was drunk already but I said "fuck it, I'll go with you!" The two of us went to the bar, not wanting to wait for the drink waitress who was assigned to our table and one of the girls came up and asked what we were doing, (I don't just standing at the bar, what do you think?) and we told her and she said she wanted a shot and next thing you know, the guy was buying shots for everyone as well as beer for us guys. He was cool. The shots were a super mixture of liquor that left it as a milky substance with a cinnamon undertone. It was delicious. We did that thing where the group puts all their shots in the middle of them and screams, it was awesome.  We all stayed on the dance floor from that point on, and it was the best time. Even after the shitty band came back out we still danced and went wild. As the night came to an end I realized I was still a little drunk, even after chugging two water bottles. After saying my goodbyes to everyone, I walked back towards the parking garage. I hope I see them all again. I actually liked them all so much. (The one guy tripped the other, and he literally just landed on the floor and got back up, it was so funny.) I sat in the driver's seat for five minutes staring at nothing before climbing into my backseat taking out my contacts, (I had my contact case and glasses in my jacket) and laying down. I woke up maybe 20 minutes later to a guy screaming from outside my car that I hit him and dented his car. He was the car parked in front of me. I literally sat up and stared at him, knowing I did no such thing, and he got in his car and drove away. By this point I was alright to drive home, so that's what I did. It was almost 4 a.m. when I walked into my house. Best night in weeks, hands down.

Pre-Drunkness

Tuesday January 20

I was supposed to meet up with a friend for dinner this evening. That was until I blew her off. Here's the deal, said friend really only wants to hang out with me because of my age. She is  underage and she wanted me to buy her alcohol before she went back to school this weekend. So she doubled that by asking me to join her for dinner as well. Now, I don't care because number one: why would you ever say no to an opportunity to eat? And number two: I actually quite enjoy this friend and all of their wild stories, most of which are fabricated but they are entertaining nonetheless. So I had full intentions of going. Then Morgan called me and asked if I wanted to go out for Mexican with her and a couple of her friends. There's this local Mexican restaurant that is so delicious I can't even deal, and that was the place she Morgan wanted to go tonight. We also know at least half the staff because they are personal friends (a good portion we know from high school) and it's a great place to go because they don't charge us for everything, they give us discounts and a bunch of the staff come and sit with us and chit chat with their accents which I absolutely love. Going there over the years, the staff have become friends of ours and they all treat us like family. Unfortunately for my underaged friend, I had a taste for Mexican. I called my friend and asked if we could reschedule for Thursday when I'm off, but I am contemplating blowing her off again because although people did it for me, I don't know how I feel about buying for a an underaged person. My mom and her boyfriend spooked me because they said "It just takes one girl to tell the police where she got the bottle." Thanks guys.

The restaurant which is usually busy was dead. Only Morgan and I went because one of her friends had a work meeting or something so obviously that meant the other couldn't go right? I ordered a taco, a quesadilla, and a chimmy chonga. (I think that's how you spell it?) I ordered a mango margarita as well. Lemme tell you something about this margarita, it was huge, and they put so much tequila in it. It was strong. By the time I finished with it I felt that pre-drunk sensation. You know, that stupid giggly thing you get before you get belligerent. Then as a late birthday present they served me churros with vanilla ice cream. It was honestly so sweet and unexpected. And also free. Then came the sombreros, and next thing you know Morgan is having a photo shoot with a ton of the waiters and busboys, and I'm just laughing at the table, from my "pre-drunkness." I understand Spanish and I can speak it on the most basic level, so I cracking up when some of the busboys were talking about getting with Morgan after being prompted by our waitress who we have both known for years. She was completely oblivious. 

Musings

Saturday January 17

I worked a double today. It was so tiresome. The weird thing is it wasn't that bad, in fact, it was actually a nice change of pace to have something take over my whole day. That and the fact that I let my mind wander to really slutty places today. I made eye contact with a new love  interest that I have as of yesterday. It was steamy. Along with my two existing ones, work got really interesting during my later shift. I don't know if I'm wearing something that makes me smell like an aphrodisiac lately or something but all the attention is definitely appreciated. This may or may not complicate things once school starts next week and I'm back with last semester's whatever-we-are. 

I guess now we play the waiting game. I have a feeling this semester is gonna get me into some trouble. It's my first semester being 21, and the spring semesters tend to be a little more wild. I'm just so so so ready to go back. Oddly enough, I could also really go for some spaghetti right now. That sounds so delicious. It's definitely too late for me to be up right now after working for so long. I'm borderline delirious.  

Notes from my phone....

While I'm writing meticulously at Today's entry, well now yesterdays entry, I thought it'd be funny to put up some of the notes from my phone. They show just how over the place my mind is, and often if I don't write something down, I will forget it 100℅.

Jobs

Wednesday January 14

Today was a big day for little old me. I got engaged. No I'm totally kidding, I'm still super single. BUT it was a big day because I kinda sorta pushed my nonsensical anxiety issues to the back burner. Last week I got an email that "Jobsapalooza 2015" was just around the corner. That event was today. Basically it was a job fair at the Buffalo Marriott hotel, that's the hotel where all the big events that aren't in downtown Buffalo take place, it's also the hotel where visiting NFL teams generally stay. 

The event sounded like a great idea and I was so ready to go. I'm at that part of my college career where I need to start thinking past Target and try to snag as many internships as possible. I mean ideally I'm also looking for a job in my field that pays more than what I'm making now. Then today rolled around and I freaked out a little bit. I read through the program online, and saw all of the participating employers and what specific positions they were looking to fill. However, most of the positions being offered were in the more business or financial sectors. There were a few communications openings which of course is my specialty as a public relations and communication studies dual major. Those few were my goal. With my new haircut in tow, I discovered the wonders of hair gel for the first time post-shower. My hair didn't move at all, it was so cool, who knew? 

I left the house a little too early because of how excited I was, so I decided to stop by the mall and get sunglasses and earrings since it was sunny, like really sunny despite the whole 20 degrees thing and I can't hang on to a pair of earrings to save my life. You know, people really treat you differently when you're well dressed. I was dressed in a gray Canali suit jacket, (funny story, I looted that jacket out of the lost-and-found at my old job working laundry and housekeeping at a hotel by Niagara Falls, no way could I actually afford a jacket like that. Holy run on.) a blue plaid shirt from American Eagle, black slacks, and grey dress shoes with blue shoe laces. I was also wearing pink dress socks from Express and Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Those coupled with the faux diamond studs in my ears and my aviators had me feeling like I was in a movie. That was a lot of name dropping but it's only to stress my point that I felt good. That was until I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, five minutes to one o'clock, when the event was starting. My nerves got the better of me.

All that confidence I had a mere fifteen minutes earlier was flying out the window at a rapid pace. It diminished with every suited man or woman I saw leaving their car and trek across the parking lot to the hotel entrance. I called a friend of mine and informed them of my massive freak out and they told me just to leave. Gee thanks. I really don't know why I felt so small, I realize now because this was my first time stepping into the world of business at large. I texted my mom with my problems and she reassured me as best she could, God bless her and all she deals with, with all of my quirks. And of course as luck would have it, in the middle of our "textversation," my phone died. I was on my own. So I took a deep breath, looked in my rearview mirror and said "screw it, you're hot. Go in there and own this. Start your future." I fixed my tie and got out of my car resumes in hand. I don't know if you know this but job fairs are so awkward. Literally the employers just sit or stand at their respective tables and stare at you hopefully as you walk by. It's intimidating to be completely honest. In those few seconds of them staring I was afraid to make eye contact because that would lead to a conversation about a job that I'm not qualified for or a job that isn't within my passion. The few people who were looking for people in my field were not there when I was, and I can't say I was honestly that surprised, I mean my luck and everything. Overall, I lasted fifteen minutes before I was putting my sunglasses back on and walking the hell out of that hotel. I had enough. Was the entire endeavor unfruitful? Yes, but more importantly I proved to myself that I can go into a professional social setting alone and survive. I'm more adult than I ever have been. Besides, I was the hottest guy in there. Joking of course. Kind of. 

Today was also a big day because my baby brother Elijah turned 7! Good God almighty, he makes me feel old.  I remember the day I came home from school and there he was, those were my "emo" days. I remember them with so much distaste. He and I have come so far, and I'm not ashamed to say that he is one of my best friends. 

I was sent out to get balloons, and banners to hang around the house, whilst my mom made cupcakes for when Eli got home from school. I bought those pointy party hats too, because who doesn't love hats right? I even got my two teenage siblings AJ and Lauryn to wear the party hats for Eli. It was so unexpected because they're both in high school and so I definitely thought they would be "too cool" for the hats. I remember how much of an ass I was at that age. After the birthday boy got home we all went to Dave and Buster's for dinner and to play games. It was so fun for all five of us to actually enjoy being with one another and it is definitely going to be one of the highlights of this break for me.  

Blah blah blah

Monday January 12 - Tuesday January 13

Monday was so boring, literally I sat around with Morgan like we usually do and then we went to run some errands and got Bubble Tea. We also got into a staring contest with a rude girl at the café. Morgan was convinced it was because the girl wore her hair natural and Morgan wears a weave, and I was convinced it was because of me, because I looked really great yesterday. 

Today was another mundane day, the big exciting thing today was that I got a haircut, which was actually monumental considering I've been growing out my hair for like half a year. It was important to me though because, I have a pretty exciting job fair tomorrow. Fingers crossed I get a big boy job. I got my Mohawk back after not having one since last spring. I go to this black barbershop in downtown Niagara Falls and all the guys in there are so educated and nice. That's something that's rare for that part of town. It's called Nelson's Hair Studio. I've been going there for well over a year and the owner, Nelson, told me that I better come back with a story to tell next time, because that's apparently what you do at a barbershop. 

Stfu

Sunday January 11

Socially awkward people drive me insane. Of course, I have my own fits of social awkwardness, but it's not anything to the point of people openly disliking me for that specific trait. There's this woman at work, who is just really out there and over the busy Christmas season she was placed in electronics with me and my crew. I felt bad for the poor girl, we were all already established as a group and I almost felt like a male Plastic. (I'm looking at you Gretchen Wieners.) This girl brought everything upon herself though, and it was bad timing due to the stress of the holidays. In retail we refer to that time as "Hell on Earth." 

The big problem with this girl, Stephanie, was that she talked and talked and I definitely mentioned her before. She would talk over customers, butt into conversations and have random anxiety attacks that would leave her in tears. Now, if she hadn't already put all of her business out there, I wouldn't be doing so now. But she did, so there's that. I think she was just lonely so she always had to keep talking in the hopes that someone would listen. Some of us see therapists, others bring their shit to work. She told everybody her issues and let her emotional state become an impact on her work performance daily.

Apparently she showed multiple co-workers scars on her wrists from where she had cut herself due to the stress of her life. She's a mother of three. I just don't think that's responsible parenting. Like, what would your kids do without you, if you're attention seeking ways went awry? That's such a gamble with fate. She also explained to everyone that she was late for work one day because she was getting treated for lice. Um, ew. She had these highs and lows. According to her, she had these meltdowns because she was mixing depression and anxiety medications. And literally, I'm thinking, okay I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't mix fucking meds. 

Which brings me to today. She came to work early for the specific purpose of talking to someone, and lucky me I was taking my break at that exact moment, so I had to listen to it for 20 minutes. I recorded some of it and put it on Snapchat. I didn't feel bad about it either. I understand wanting to air your shit out, but there are times for that and specific people for that too. Everybody's situation is different but good Lord sister, get it together!  

Friends

Friday January 9 

I kind of miss my stupid friends. Usually during winter break, my old high school friends are up my ass sideways, and this break is different, there's zero communication. I have my daily dose of Morgan and friends from work but at this point that's pretty much the extent. Break fizzled out so quickly and I still have three weeks of it. I miss hanging out with my friends even though I talk a lot of shit about them, it's all out of love. Mostly. I mean, they are kind of lame and boring but sometimes you need that. It may also seem like I'm kind of blowing them off all the time, but that's only because I'm always busy doing something else when they want to hang, or I'm at Target. Or I actually am blowing them off because I'd rather do something more exciting like go to a bar, I can do that now. I miss my school friends, especially one in particular whom I met last semester and got extremely close to, extremely quickly. So close that I used to have this thing where I didn't really make physical contact with others, but he and I had this thing where we would play fight or he would wake me up for sleeping in class. He was a very touchy person and that kind of rubbed off on me. Get this, I can even hug other people now. Woah, progress.  We also had this thing where we could communicate strictly with eye contact and I've found that aside from him I can only do this with people I've known forever. Whatever, I don't know man. What I do know is that I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift's new song Blank Space, and I have been since the end of the semester about two weeks ago. That song and that video are everything. 

Food Poisoning

Thursday January 8

Today, the unthinkable happened. Two or three times a week, I frequent Chipotle, there are few places I could eat that many times of week, but it's a tie between that and this Greek place I really like on Hertel Avenue, called Kostas. (Who doesn't like a good souvlaki?) Anyway, a new one just opened up in the Falls and weather was really bad today, so despite my preconceived notion that "Falls food" is less than delicious, a friend and I decided to give the Falls Chipotle a shot. It would be a lot easier to drive to the Falls location then trekking out to Buffalo. I should've went with my gut on the less than delicious thing. 

We did the online ordering so our food was ready when we arrived. This way we didn't have to wait in the ridiculously long line. The friend I went with was my friend Morgan who just got back from Orlando. Morgan and I are basically inseparable and do 90 percent of everything together. She is the one I can count on to never leave my side. My sister ended up going to, the love for Chipotle is real.  

Later tonight, my stomach started doing somersaults and I felt like I had an ape in my stomach that was using me as a punching bag. It was excruciating, and I'll save you from the disgusting bathroom details. It was awful. I never thought that Chipotle could do this to me. A good friend of mine from school warned me that this had happened to him which is why he only goes to Moe's now, and part of me wishes I listened to him. I don't think I will ever go back to the Niagara Falls location, just out of sheer fear. 

Food poisoning is no joke. This is my first bout with it and so I always thought people were over exaggerating when they complained about getting food poisoning, no I'm sorry I feel like death. Hopefully, I feel better tomorrow. 

Passion

Wednesday January 7

Paris. It's one of many cities I'm planning to visit before I die. Paris was attacked by terrorists today and twelve people died. Twelve lives. I had no idea until I scrolled through my Twitter feed. When I started college, I was a journalism major, so I suppose my leftover instinct from that time period came out and I dug deep to learn all I could about these attacks. It was devastating. I mean, Paris is supposed to be the picturesque example of love and beauty right?

In lieu of that debacle, tonight at work something really cool happened. A middle aged woman who later told me her name was Laura came in looking for an SD card for her phone. I helped her with that and had to reassure her like seven times, no joke, that it was the right one for her. Then we got to talking and she started to tell me all about how she needs to card because she's a starting musician and she makes YouTube videos. So I did my usual over enthusiastic "wow that's so cool!" It seemed to me that the poor woman barely got complimented because she was elated from my compliments. So much so that she pulled out her phone and asked me if I had time to watch one of her videos. I said yes and I'm glad I did. This woman must be a musical savant or something. She told me that she can memorize pieces by ear, and play them on her keyboard within a couple times of hearing said song. She played this specific video and I was blown away, it was incredible and the way she looked in the video was something else. She was so into her music, so into her passion. It was what she loved to do, that much was evident. The song she played was absolutely gorgeous. After it was over, I was like bouncing with how good it was and I told her to keep it up, and how great it was and how I could tell that it was what she loved. She looked like she was ready to cry tears of joys. It made me happy to see somebody else so happy. I think I might've given Laura the wrong impression because I'm really into eye contact, and so five minutes later while I was fiddling with something on a shelf, she appeared out of nowhere and thanked me again, and kind of barked out her name, and said it was a pleasure meeting me, I kindly said that the pleasure was all mine. She lingered for a moment and I'm thinking, uh-oh she wants me to ask her out. And then, I thought, no way sister, wrong tree, you could be my mother. But she turned and left in a hurry. It was really bizarre, but I'm glad I met Laura. I hope she goes far with her passion.

Hookah

Tuesday January 6

I had a bright and early shift today which I love because literally I was done by two and had my whole day ahead of me. Which of course meant that I had the entire day to mostly laze around while my right hand woman was off in Orlando. 

That night I reunited with some old high school friends of mine, who were all sophomores when I was a senior. I had some weird attachment to their class as a senior, I don't know. The four of us decided to go to a hookah bar to catch up and blow O's. I was a little apprehensive about the whole thing because the last time I smoked hookah, I felt like I was gonna pass out, it just gets you really dizzy and lightheaded. The first hookah bar we went to was closed because the other hookah bar in Buffalo owned by the same people had a shooting last night. Some D-list rapper or something was in town and initiated the shooting. The funny thing is, we actually did make it inside the bar, following closely behind a news crew. It was then that the owners kicked us out. With only a few options left, we opted to head to the Habibi Sheesha Lounge in Niagara Falls. 

Half an hour later, we finally sat down on the couches that may or may not have various stains of bodily fluids. The verdict is out the window on that one. All three of the friends I went with moved away for school. The one moved to wherever the hell Alfred State is, the other to boondocks Cortland, and the third of which I am insanely and infinitely jealous moved to New York. I tried my best to represent "B-Lo," and I was pretty pleased with how much I actually enjoy this city. We split the hookahs two and two and in one we had some kind of sex flavor, "Queen of Sex" maybe? And in the other, we had a fruity mix. The waiter asked us if we also wanted bubbles and although none of us understood what he was asking, we all eagerly said yes. The bubbles were some liquid that if you blew the smoke you take in, into it you produced smoke bubbles that bounced and were reduced to vapor when you popped them. It was insanely cool. Cue Instagram pictures and Snapchat videos. 

Hearing about everybody's lives was so fascinating because we were now all adults in the world, it's just such a cool -- okay really quickly, my mom is doing laundry downstairs right now and all I hear coming from her phone is the Dawson's Creek theme song, you know, "I don't wanna wait forever to be over..." Oh my god, I am dying right now.  So yeah, yada yada, it was great to see everyone and although it killed me to ask, I had to find out how New York was so I asked all the questions I had about living in the city, and that particular friend of mine gave me the okay to sleep on her dorm floor anytime. Which did I mention, is in the Upper East Side! XOXO Dan Humphrey. (Spoiler Alert) 

By time we left, it was close to midnight and we were super hungry. Luckily there's this local taco place open ridiculous hours of the night, and we ate in the dark of the car driving home. After I got home, I did my usual look in the mirror to make sure I didn't look like shit all night, and there was buffalo sauce all over my shirt. I scowled at myself and went to bed.