OTP

Not ashamed or afraid to admit that I am a huge Teen Wolf fanboy and have been since the 3rd season was airing. I watched seasons 1 and 2 in a week and started season 3 and was blown away. It's honestly probably my favorite show at the moment aside from Entourage (and of course Degrassi will always have a special place in my heart). There are just so many twists and turns and it's so suspenseful and wow. So good. It gets crapped on way too much. I mean season 4 and 5 were/are a little on the weak side but I'm still holding out.

Anyways whether you care to admit it or not in all shows we follow you have a couple you're rooting for to make it at the end of the run. With Friends it was Ross and Rachel, Walking Dead it's Maggie and Glenn (although I was always rooting for Tyrese and Michonne :/ ). In media such as TV shows, these pairings are referred to as OTPs. One True Pairings. My OTP for Teen Wolf will always be Stydia.

I LOVE the chemistry between Stiles and Lydia, and Holland Roden is perfection in human form. She is honestly my dream girl. I can't explain it on and off set Holland/Lydia seems to be so smart, and witty, and kind. She's also unbelievably gorgeous. And then there's sweet baby Stiles who has been in love with Lydia since grade school, and slowly you can see her kind of reciprocate those feelings and it's so adorable and that's the kind of thing I would want, you know since I feel as if Stiles and I parallel each other. When I watch him it's like I'm watching a version of myself.

I hope these two end up together in the end, or that she ends up with me. STYDIA FTW.

I am alive. Really alive.

March 13, 2015

The last time you heard from me was about a month ago right? Maybe more? Anyways I suppose I should get you up to speed on what's been going on since my disappearance. In the last month and a half, I.have.changed. I don't just mean physically, but mentally. I am different than I used to be. I feel as if this may be why I haven't written in so long. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Evidently, I am going to reveal my true identity within the contents of this post. Or at the very least I will reveal my first name out of fear of what could happen to me if I reveal everything. God I feel like Amy Elliot Dunne writing this. (Just finished reading Gone Girl, messed me up real good.)

In the last couple of months since the semester has begun, I have gotten fat again, (I think so, no one else does) was affected by a particularly nasty spell of SAD; (Literally sadness brought on by the winter - seasonal effective disorder) I have been kicking absolute ass at school, my grades are astronomical. I have become a quasi-alcoholic, depending on that drink every weekend to take the stress out of my life. I have borderline hooked up with randoms multiple times, including a guy (yes, you read that right) who was trying to get into my pants while I was blacked out, although I think he was too. If he wasn't he certainly acts like it, I've seen him the past two days on campus. I only know about the ordeal because I came to in the middle of him caressing my hand, and I promptly ran away. That story will most definitely be part of my lost files which I will write hopefully over spring break. What else has happened? Oh! I signed a lease on a house with two of my friends from school, and we all have a little bit of a bromance among the three of us. It's"adorkable." I move out and into my place April 1st. (April fools! Except not really, because it's actually happening.) I worry about myself this summer in the house alone most of the time because my roomies will be returning to their hometowns. I lived like a pilgrim for exactly 4 days when my phone met an unfortunate end. I got into a car accident and fled the scene, only to be followed and screamed at by an angry black woman. I turned down a cruise to Central America! Straight up backed out. My old friends have cut off complete contact with me, and oddly enough, I don't actually care. I have made so many new, real friends in the time since I last wrote, it's inconsequential. I have fallen in and out of love exactly three times, with two and a half people. I am out of shape. I have become the vice president of the PRSSA. I have tried transferring Target stores. (Jury's still out on that one) I am looking for other work opportunities. I now have a real-live Mohawk. (Mixed reviews on that one) I might be getting a new car today, I have been working diligently on my internship, with a bunch of incompetent fools. (I NEED a new one for the summer, preferably paid.) My eyes have stopped degrading. I came into a large sum of cash and promptly paid off most of my debts. I have begun to question myself and my motives, I've begun to see that I am special, to some degree. I am BRILLIANT. I am WITTY. I am WARM. (Another Gone Girl reference, I can't help myself, it's utterly haunting and phenomenal and stuck in my head.) I had a quiet nervous breakdown when I piled too much work onto myself. I'm fine now. I am calling into work Sunday in order to get drunk with my roommates at the St. Paddy's Day Parade. Who am I? My tastes have changed slightly, I like watching hockey and more stupid shows that the male population seem to like to watch without any plot line, or any effort put into the writing at all. I like bad Netflix movies. I like to sip a beer while watching these things. I am a man. I also finally know and understand what and who I want, and one of my lusts actually falls into the cliche of "been right in front of you the whole time." Fuck.

 I say I don't want to marry or have children but this is a lie. A cold painful lie. I want to be a good husband and father. I want the stupid dog, I want the white picket fence, I want to play catch with my kids. I want all that sappy shit. My shell has been cracked. I'm 255% more human than I have ever been and that scares the shit out of me. Drunk Zack (me) can attest to that. The me I am when I am drunk is vastly different from when I am sober. When sober I am cold, calculating, everything is my joke, the world is mine to laugh at. I think deeply before saying something. I think of every scenario and come up with back-up plans on the spot. I am a genius. When I am drunk or high,(I've been smoking lately again, weed and cigarettes.) I become weak. I can't stop words from rolling off of my tongue. I become a "hugger." I have allowed this trait to bleed into my actual life. I like being kind to people, I like human contact. I think depriving myself of it for so long has made me crave it all the more. I like both sides of me I decided, my friends agree. I'm pretty sure I know what direction my life is headed and I love that. There are some things I will not disclose on here, some things that must be kept to myself for the time being. I am a slut. In more ways then one. It is possible, you know. I will let you do what you will with that.

I have begun reading a new book every week. I am well-read. Who am I? You know, I continually bring up the theme of who I am, but the truth is I am me. I am Zack. I am finally happy. I am me. I am hungover and I am ecstatic. I am sure I've forgotten some things but these recollections will come back to me in time.

We'll talk soon.

Zack. (AKA John Doe)

Apologies

I'm not dead. I'm still here. So much has happened since my disappearance. I will bring you up to speed tonight. I am back. I'm sorry.

Earlier Today......

LAST NIGHT - FIRST POST.

Okay so, my friend Peter contacted me earlier in the week and asked if I wanted to go to Union Bash with him and another couple friends and get drunk. Union Bash is an event that Buff State hosts during Homecoming and Family Weekend and so I was like okay sure! So last night rolls around and I was in class all day and earlier in one of my classes I had a friend of mine who lives on campus text me and she was like “let’s go to Union Bash.” So I filled her in on everything and we talked of how it would be “lame.” I had class until seven last night and the event started at eight. Peter texted me and asked what the plan was and I told him I was headed to my friend, Alicia’s dorm. So he headed there as well. Apparently he was coming alone as the other two friends didn't want to go. After he got lost and found his way to her building we all just hung out in her room with her three roommates and “shot the shit.” This is where the drinking began. 

As the alcohol is setting in we three finally simply decided to head to Union Bash, fashionably late. We got to the Union around 9:00 and stayed until about 9:15. We had said it was “lame-sauce,” which it totally was. In theory it was cool, with an inflatable obstacle course, mechanical “chicken wing,” (because of where we go to school of course) psychics, caricatures, and food. We stood in line for a photo booth and as people cut in line in front of us, Alicia finally broke down and said, let’s go to Bottoms Up which is a nightclub in the downtown Buffalo nightlife district. Alicia had a fake I.D. and Peter, who would be 21 in a month, and I, who would be 21 in 3 months, did not. Then she informed us that she and her roommates went every week and that Thursday nights are 18+. With this new goal in mind we set off towards Alicia’s dorm again. 

We got ready for the club in her room with the one roommate who decided to accompany us. Or rather, the girls got ready. Peter had on moccasins and I had on sweatpants. Total club wear yeah? Anyway taking a gamble and hoping they would let us in, despite looking like crap, we called a taxi. The taxi came almost an hour and a half late, finally arriving at 12:30 a.m. Katie, the roommate from Long Island, was fuming. Her accent was coming out thick and she kept on saying “no tip, no tip!” Anyways, in waiting for the taxi the alcohol kept on pouring itself into our cups and shot glasses. 

We finally arrived at the club and see directly behind us three guys that Peter, Alicia, and I went to high school with. It was then that Peter saw some guy smoking on the street asked me for a dollar and gave the guy the dollar to buy us two cigarettes. I am not a smoker, I promise; but if I’m drunk, that’s another story.  I think it was a little bit of a shock to see me smoking to my old colleagues because I did a very good job of hiding my “extracurricular habits” back-in-the-day. I portrayed myself as a goody two shoes. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am and was a good kid, but I just had a separate partying motive. I've grown up since then and last night was totally the first time since the semester began that I had even taken a sip of alcohol. That’s all beside the point. 

After waiting in the longest line ever, we pushed and shoved our way up to the bouncers who charged us an extra five dollar cover charge for whatever reason, and made it into the overcrowded club. Music blaring, good DJ, people’s good energy everywhere, I was in my element. Initially however, we decided to stay together as a group and pushed our way to the back together, where the bathrooms were. There was also the outside bar, which Peter and I gravitated towards. After doing generic club things, (dancing, looking important, flirting, laughing, etc.) Alicia finds me and says to me, “I’m going to Dan’s with his roommates.” Dan is Alicia’s boyfriend. Here’s the thing though: I LEFT MY PHONE AND MY CAR KEYS IN HER LOCKED ROOM. So as she hopping the fence and jumping into the cab this simple fact was hitting me and I screamed after her to no avail. Remembering that her roommate was still in the club, we just thought she would be able to let us in their building and give me my stuff. We couldn't find Katie and then decided to hang around the club for a few more minutes before heading out. 

Then on this very cold fall night in which I’m in a semi long sleeve tee shirt, and Peter is in a legitimate tee shirt, we have the bright idea to walk back to campus to save money on a taxi. The thing is, there is a very dangerous part of the city of Buffalo that we would have to walk through to get back. Luckily we knew where we were going after walking for close to fifteen minutes. Then about an hour later after stopping for 2 a.m. pizza, Peter and I walked past a bar and who do we see waving to us drunkenly? Katie the missing roommate. Bars close at 4 in Buffalo and so we just decided to wait for her back in her building. 

After finally making it back to school, we couldn't get into the dorm building as it is locked to all non-residents. So after knocking for five minutes and the desk attendant not responding, (she was asleep) this girl gets dropped off by her friends. This girl lives here, but of course she doesn't have her phone or her keys on her, why would she? That was the running theme last night apparently. After about two minutes, a girl in an over-sized tie-dye hoodie walked past the door and the girl with us started jumping up and down and screamed “that’s my roommate!” Following that, the tie-dye girl let us in, and so Peter and I took the elevator up to the fifth floor where Alicia lives. 

At this point it had to be 3:30 a.m. Instead of knocking on the door and facing the wrath of the two roommates still left in the room, we decided to sit outside and wait for either Katie or Alicia. In our state of mind we never thought that both girls would end up sleeping over their boyfriends houses. Minutes turned into hours and we ended up falling asleep in the common room on the couches. Finally Peter said: “Let’s go home. Come on we’ll figure out how to get your stuff tomorrow.” So Peter drove me home as I fell in and out of consciences. When I finally made it home, he said to me “Let’s do this again next week.” To this I started laughing and said “yeah, sure.” 

I woke up this morning with my contacts stuck to my eyes and they felt like burning holes of fire in my skull; and I typed the first half of this on my mother’s laptop because of course mine was still at Alicia’s dorm. At the end of the day, which ironically is now, I loved every minute of last night. It was quite the experience, and I’m happy to have been able to share it with you. I’m all about those crazy random moments that collect together to become this adventure we call life. I would like to share these adventures with people or even just post them here for myself. Stay Tuned!