Lazy Sunday

Sunday January 25

I finally begin my senior year tomorrow. It's so surreal that this time next year I will be done with undergrad and out there fighting with the rest of corporate America. I spent today mentally preparing my self and getting everything ready at my desk at home, while sleeping off last night and just having a lazy Sunday. It was perfect, despite the fact that I never had hangovers before I turned 21 and now that isn't the case anymore. I'm always nervous before my first day of classes, and I can't sleep well the night before. Ever. I just hope there are cool people in my classes tomorrow, so that I'm not on an iceberg floating alone.  

Musings

Saturday January 17

I worked a double today. It was so tiresome. The weird thing is it wasn't that bad, in fact, it was actually a nice change of pace to have something take over my whole day. That and the fact that I let my mind wander to really slutty places today. I made eye contact with a new love  interest that I have as of yesterday. It was steamy. Along with my two existing ones, work got really interesting during my later shift. I don't know if I'm wearing something that makes me smell like an aphrodisiac lately or something but all the attention is definitely appreciated. This may or may not complicate things once school starts next week and I'm back with last semester's whatever-we-are. 

I guess now we play the waiting game. I have a feeling this semester is gonna get me into some trouble. It's my first semester being 21, and the spring semesters tend to be a little more wild. I'm just so so so ready to go back. Oddly enough, I could also really go for some spaghetti right now. That sounds so delicious. It's definitely too late for me to be up right now after working for so long. I'm borderline delirious.  

Notes from my phone....

While I'm writing meticulously at Today's entry, well now yesterdays entry, I thought it'd be funny to put up some of the notes from my phone. They show just how over the place my mind is, and often if I don't write something down, I will forget it 100℅.

Friends

Friday January 9 

I kind of miss my stupid friends. Usually during winter break, my old high school friends are up my ass sideways, and this break is different, there's zero communication. I have my daily dose of Morgan and friends from work but at this point that's pretty much the extent. Break fizzled out so quickly and I still have three weeks of it. I miss hanging out with my friends even though I talk a lot of shit about them, it's all out of love. Mostly. I mean, they are kind of lame and boring but sometimes you need that. It may also seem like I'm kind of blowing them off all the time, but that's only because I'm always busy doing something else when they want to hang, or I'm at Target. Or I actually am blowing them off because I'd rather do something more exciting like go to a bar, I can do that now. I miss my school friends, especially one in particular whom I met last semester and got extremely close to, extremely quickly. So close that I used to have this thing where I didn't really make physical contact with others, but he and I had this thing where we would play fight or he would wake me up for sleeping in class. He was a very touchy person and that kind of rubbed off on me. Get this, I can even hug other people now. Woah, progress.  We also had this thing where we could communicate strictly with eye contact and I've found that aside from him I can only do this with people I've known forever. Whatever, I don't know man. What I do know is that I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift's new song Blank Space, and I have been since the end of the semester about two weeks ago. That song and that video are everything. 

Concerto

Sunday January 4

After I woke up this morning or rather this afternoon, I saw the new Annie movie. My entire family piled into the car and went to the movies together. It's nice that we can take the time out of our busy schedules to spend time like that together. The movie was freaking adorable. By halfway through I was getting really into it and by the end I was overjoyed. I mean obviously we all know how the tale of little orphan Annie ends but getting to that ending was worth the ride. 

Target was super dead, but my ride home definitely wasn't. The song of the night was a tie between Grand Theft Autumn by Fall Out Boy and Showstopper by Brandon and Leah. Such a weird combination but both songs are fantastic, I definitely recommend listening to them if you haven't. You know, I went to a Fall Out Boy and Paramore concert of the summer and it was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. I mean the weather was shitty and rainy but that totally added to the experience, that and the fact that I was under the influence. I went with a couple of my friends and my friend's cousin from LA. The LA cousin drove and when we were nearly to the amphitheater she whips out a bag of pot cookies. Now, back in high school I was the occasional pot smoker but it's never been my cup of tea, I much prefer more liquid forms of entertainment. But on this particular day I was feeling pretty ballsy, and so when she asked if we wanted any I said "hell yes!" I ate three in total. I've heard that edibles effect you harder than smoking, but I had no idea how right that notion was. LA cousin said that the marijuana in the cookies was from a distillery that her friend frequents so it was some strong shit. Throughout Paramore's set list I simply grinned and swayed back and forth, it was unreal. By the time Fall Out Boy came out it had worn off for the most part and I "raged" with the rest of the crowd. I love concerts because of the energy all around. I mean, you can just feel the electricity in the air as everyone is hyped up on their love of music, and in those few hours a bond is formed among the audience. 

Man, reading this whole thing back is putting me right to sleep. Boring entry for a boring day I suppose.       

New Years

Thursday January 1

Here we are 2015! 2014 was a rather eventful year for me, so much happened and I really learned a lot about myself and what I want and who I want to be. We are always told to embrace our differences, and I am finally beginning to do just that. Somehow over the course of the year, I became an "anti-conformist." But honestly enough of that boring, mundane shit. Let's talk about last night. Last night got a little too real and it was the first time in a long time that I have felt like the 21-year-old college student that I am. I guess I should start at the beginning.

Since summer I had this grandiose plan for New Years but of course life happened, and those plans fell through. Basically what it boils down to is that I forgot to request off of work, stupid I know. I work at Target and as far as jobs go, it's not difficult at all. I'm in the Electronics department so basically I get to be the geek I was born to be on a daily basis. One of my favorite pastimes is explaining Wi-Fi to the elderly. Veering away from my Target tangent, (check out that alliteration, huh?) the New Years Eve plan was as follows: get a huge group of people together, get a hotel room and split the cost of the room and booze all around. Said room would be in the heart of Downtown Buffalo so it would only be a quick skip and a step to see the ball drop at midnight, then beneath the display of fireworks and among the cheering and screaming I would share my very first New Years kiss with a complete stranger, who would then come back to the room with us and we would talk until sunrise and then go out for coffee, or have sex. In either order. That was the plan. Sounds perfect right?  Instead, I worked until Target closed at 9 p.m. And I went to a friend's house to hang out with her and another friend. The three of us literally hung out as we usually would and it was so average. It wasn't what I hoped for but that doesn't necessarily mean it sucked. I've begun to accept that as I grow older unless you really put the effort into something usually it'll end up boring at some point. 

I decided to play with the cards I was dealt and I still had half a bottle of Bacardi Mango Infusion leftover from Thanksgiving break. It was one of those really large bottles, you know? So with that bottle in hand  I set off to my friend's house totally expecting to return home that night. I should've known better. Once I arrived both of my compadres were just lounging on the couches in the living room. I could tell with a glance that one of them was already trashed. They had drunk a bottle of wine while I was at work. After the initial greetings we decided to start taking shots. First shot went down too easy, so I did another and then we all came to the joint realization that what we thought was vodka in my bottle was actually water. One of my younger siblings, (who still have yet to own up to it) had taken my alcohol and replaced it with water. By this point I had already made up my mind that I didn't want to be sober tonight, so I took to Google to search for places that were open and sold alcohol. That's how I ended up at a gas station and walking out with an 18-pack of beer and a very large "Mang-O-Rita." Back at the house the "trashed girl," got even trashier to the point that we cut her off and as she reached for the still mostly full Mang-O-Rita I stupidly did what I could to stop her from drinking more: I chugged the whole thing. This was what opened Pandora's Box and from there it was past the point of no return. Beer after beer, I could hear myself starting to make less and less sense with every word that left my lips. And then, midnight struck and through the TV and the two girls all you heard was a chorus of "Happy New Years!" and screaming. I simply sat there in silence staring at the phone in my hands waiting for something, anything. Maybe something from my big crush of the semester, I don't know. I couldn't tell you, I think I was just waiting for something out of the ordinary. And when that didn't come, I tossed my phone aside and chugged three beers in rapid succession. Both girls noticed my shift in demeanor and started to ask me what was wrong, and I kept changing the subject because I honestly didn't know. I think it was because I was comparing what happened to what could've been. From this point I was drunk, and it was enough to dodge their questions and to feign happiness. I was so drunk that I didn't even care when both decided to go to sleep and I quickly followed suit because the night was over. And that was it. I drove home this morning in silence, hoping that next year isn't so lackluster and that maybe I will get that New Years kiss either from somebody I actually care deeply for or from that magical stranger that would become my destiny.