OCD and Jelousy

Thursday January 15

I swear I have the weirdest form of OCD known to man. It comes in little spurts, but when it does it's all consuming. Today, I decided to clean my rooms. I'm your typical undergrad student living in his mother's basement. It's cool though because the basement is like a mini apartment or dorm room. I have a living room and then my bedroom, or had would be the better descriptor. 

During my last manic OCD attack, I converted my living room into a living/bedroom, and my bedroom was changed into an office/walk-in closet. Luckily both rooms are mildly spacey. (Speaking of "spacey," more specifically Kevin Spacey, I have to get back on Netflix and re-watch House of Cards because that is some prime television, but I digress.)  

I decided to clean because I had a whole day off and nothing of the social variety planned so that left me open to become a slave to my laundry and pick up the random dishes and garbage strewn about, not to mention the ginormous pile of clothes in the middle of my office/closet. The funny thing is that despite these messes I generally know where miscellaneous items are located underneath the clutter. Today's ultimate objective though was to get all of my clothes into some kind of order and so I took to labeling my dresser depending on what was in each drawer. I also discovered eleven half-empty to full water bottles all over my bedroom. Literally this is because of my sleeping habits. You see I wake up at least once a night usually around 4:30, why? I don't know, but I do and I'm always ridiculously thirsty and so that usually leads me to grabbing and chugging a water bottle and bringing it back down to my room. In my half conscious state I usually fling the bottle in some random direction. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

This is kind of random, but I've really had it with people. Okay, there's this kid I cannot stand and we used to be really good friends but now I can't even be in the same room as him without my blood pressure rising. The same effect happens with Instagram pictures. I really only follow him to hate him, (I actually do this with quite a lot of people, and I KNOW some of you do the same.) and today he posted a picture of him riding a fucking horse in the Caribbean! Excuse my fucking French. Not only that but last I checked he had 40+ likes on it while I'm fighting for 11. Oh my goodness, I've done the whole Caribbean thing, so that's whatever, but a horse, come on and oh my goodness he just looks so basic in the picture and it just makes me upset. I just really don't like anything about the kid, and I affectionately refer to him as a "snake among snakes." The explanation of that history dates all the way back to my junior year of high school, and that is a tale for another day. Tomorrow, to be precise. You guys deserve something really juicy. Tomorrow I will recant the second half of my high school experience and be prepared because it's something straight out of a teen drama, I swear. I'm too tired tonight to type up that essay. Just be ready for it.

Jobs

Wednesday January 14

Today was a big day for little old me. I got engaged. No I'm totally kidding, I'm still super single. BUT it was a big day because I kinda sorta pushed my nonsensical anxiety issues to the back burner. Last week I got an email that "Jobsapalooza 2015" was just around the corner. That event was today. Basically it was a job fair at the Buffalo Marriott hotel, that's the hotel where all the big events that aren't in downtown Buffalo take place, it's also the hotel where visiting NFL teams generally stay. 

The event sounded like a great idea and I was so ready to go. I'm at that part of my college career where I need to start thinking past Target and try to snag as many internships as possible. I mean ideally I'm also looking for a job in my field that pays more than what I'm making now. Then today rolled around and I freaked out a little bit. I read through the program online, and saw all of the participating employers and what specific positions they were looking to fill. However, most of the positions being offered were in the more business or financial sectors. There were a few communications openings which of course is my specialty as a public relations and communication studies dual major. Those few were my goal. With my new haircut in tow, I discovered the wonders of hair gel for the first time post-shower. My hair didn't move at all, it was so cool, who knew? 

I left the house a little too early because of how excited I was, so I decided to stop by the mall and get sunglasses and earrings since it was sunny, like really sunny despite the whole 20 degrees thing and I can't hang on to a pair of earrings to save my life. You know, people really treat you differently when you're well dressed. I was dressed in a gray Canali suit jacket, (funny story, I looted that jacket out of the lost-and-found at my old job working laundry and housekeeping at a hotel by Niagara Falls, no way could I actually afford a jacket like that. Holy run on.) a blue plaid shirt from American Eagle, black slacks, and grey dress shoes with blue shoe laces. I was also wearing pink dress socks from Express and Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Those coupled with the faux diamond studs in my ears and my aviators had me feeling like I was in a movie. That was a lot of name dropping but it's only to stress my point that I felt good. That was until I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, five minutes to one o'clock, when the event was starting. My nerves got the better of me.

All that confidence I had a mere fifteen minutes earlier was flying out the window at a rapid pace. It diminished with every suited man or woman I saw leaving their car and trek across the parking lot to the hotel entrance. I called a friend of mine and informed them of my massive freak out and they told me just to leave. Gee thanks. I really don't know why I felt so small, I realize now because this was my first time stepping into the world of business at large. I texted my mom with my problems and she reassured me as best she could, God bless her and all she deals with, with all of my quirks. And of course as luck would have it, in the middle of our "textversation," my phone died. I was on my own. So I took a deep breath, looked in my rearview mirror and said "screw it, you're hot. Go in there and own this. Start your future." I fixed my tie and got out of my car resumes in hand. I don't know if you know this but job fairs are so awkward. Literally the employers just sit or stand at their respective tables and stare at you hopefully as you walk by. It's intimidating to be completely honest. In those few seconds of them staring I was afraid to make eye contact because that would lead to a conversation about a job that I'm not qualified for or a job that isn't within my passion. The few people who were looking for people in my field were not there when I was, and I can't say I was honestly that surprised, I mean my luck and everything. Overall, I lasted fifteen minutes before I was putting my sunglasses back on and walking the hell out of that hotel. I had enough. Was the entire endeavor unfruitful? Yes, but more importantly I proved to myself that I can go into a professional social setting alone and survive. I'm more adult than I ever have been. Besides, I was the hottest guy in there. Joking of course. Kind of. 

Today was also a big day because my baby brother Elijah turned 7! Good God almighty, he makes me feel old.  I remember the day I came home from school and there he was, those were my "emo" days. I remember them with so much distaste. He and I have come so far, and I'm not ashamed to say that he is one of my best friends. 

I was sent out to get balloons, and banners to hang around the house, whilst my mom made cupcakes for when Eli got home from school. I bought those pointy party hats too, because who doesn't love hats right? I even got my two teenage siblings AJ and Lauryn to wear the party hats for Eli. It was so unexpected because they're both in high school and so I definitely thought they would be "too cool" for the hats. I remember how much of an ass I was at that age. After the birthday boy got home we all went to Dave and Buster's for dinner and to play games. It was so fun for all five of us to actually enjoy being with one another and it is definitely going to be one of the highlights of this break for me.  

Blah blah blah

Monday January 12 - Tuesday January 13

Monday was so boring, literally I sat around with Morgan like we usually do and then we went to run some errands and got Bubble Tea. We also got into a staring contest with a rude girl at the café. Morgan was convinced it was because the girl wore her hair natural and Morgan wears a weave, and I was convinced it was because of me, because I looked really great yesterday. 

Today was another mundane day, the big exciting thing today was that I got a haircut, which was actually monumental considering I've been growing out my hair for like half a year. It was important to me though because, I have a pretty exciting job fair tomorrow. Fingers crossed I get a big boy job. I got my Mohawk back after not having one since last spring. I go to this black barbershop in downtown Niagara Falls and all the guys in there are so educated and nice. That's something that's rare for that part of town. It's called Nelson's Hair Studio. I've been going there for well over a year and the owner, Nelson, told me that I better come back with a story to tell next time, because that's apparently what you do at a barbershop. 

Stfu

Sunday January 11

Socially awkward people drive me insane. Of course, I have my own fits of social awkwardness, but it's not anything to the point of people openly disliking me for that specific trait. There's this woman at work, who is just really out there and over the busy Christmas season she was placed in electronics with me and my crew. I felt bad for the poor girl, we were all already established as a group and I almost felt like a male Plastic. (I'm looking at you Gretchen Wieners.) This girl brought everything upon herself though, and it was bad timing due to the stress of the holidays. In retail we refer to that time as "Hell on Earth." 

The big problem with this girl, Stephanie, was that she talked and talked and I definitely mentioned her before. She would talk over customers, butt into conversations and have random anxiety attacks that would leave her in tears. Now, if she hadn't already put all of her business out there, I wouldn't be doing so now. But she did, so there's that. I think she was just lonely so she always had to keep talking in the hopes that someone would listen. Some of us see therapists, others bring their shit to work. She told everybody her issues and let her emotional state become an impact on her work performance daily.

Apparently she showed multiple co-workers scars on her wrists from where she had cut herself due to the stress of her life. She's a mother of three. I just don't think that's responsible parenting. Like, what would your kids do without you, if you're attention seeking ways went awry? That's such a gamble with fate. She also explained to everyone that she was late for work one day because she was getting treated for lice. Um, ew. She had these highs and lows. According to her, she had these meltdowns because she was mixing depression and anxiety medications. And literally, I'm thinking, okay I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't mix fucking meds. 

Which brings me to today. She came to work early for the specific purpose of talking to someone, and lucky me I was taking my break at that exact moment, so I had to listen to it for 20 minutes. I recorded some of it and put it on Snapchat. I didn't feel bad about it either. I understand wanting to air your shit out, but there are times for that and specific people for that too. Everybody's situation is different but good Lord sister, get it together!  

Facebook

Saturday January 10

Facebook is so annoying. I absolutely hate when people at work add me on Facebook, because then I feel obligated to creep on them and then there's nothing left to the imagination. I like it though because it's means that they trust me enough to know them on a quasi-personal level which is really cool. Sometimes, I think about what it was like before Facebook. Before, we had the ability to post everything and be super judged by everyone who sees it. The 90s/early 2000s were a much simpler time. I bring this up because four people from work added me on Facebook in the last week, one of which I blatantly flirt with weekly. The other three have become routine to me and have been incorporated into my weekly habits. We all chit chat about our lives and about the hot gossip going around Target, and usually I try to talk about football to no avail. It's funny, half of Target is really machismo and into sports and the other is more into like the Kardashians. It's a healthy enough blend. I'm right in between that blend. I've also found that a common denominator among the staff is alcohol. That may or may not be a good thing. 

Friends

Friday January 9 

I kind of miss my stupid friends. Usually during winter break, my old high school friends are up my ass sideways, and this break is different, there's zero communication. I have my daily dose of Morgan and friends from work but at this point that's pretty much the extent. Break fizzled out so quickly and I still have three weeks of it. I miss hanging out with my friends even though I talk a lot of shit about them, it's all out of love. Mostly. I mean, they are kind of lame and boring but sometimes you need that. It may also seem like I'm kind of blowing them off all the time, but that's only because I'm always busy doing something else when they want to hang, or I'm at Target. Or I actually am blowing them off because I'd rather do something more exciting like go to a bar, I can do that now. I miss my school friends, especially one in particular whom I met last semester and got extremely close to, extremely quickly. So close that I used to have this thing where I didn't really make physical contact with others, but he and I had this thing where we would play fight or he would wake me up for sleeping in class. He was a very touchy person and that kind of rubbed off on me. Get this, I can even hug other people now. Woah, progress.  We also had this thing where we could communicate strictly with eye contact and I've found that aside from him I can only do this with people I've known forever. Whatever, I don't know man. What I do know is that I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift's new song Blank Space, and I have been since the end of the semester about two weeks ago. That song and that video are everything. 

Food Poisoning

Thursday January 8

Today, the unthinkable happened. Two or three times a week, I frequent Chipotle, there are few places I could eat that many times of week, but it's a tie between that and this Greek place I really like on Hertel Avenue, called Kostas. (Who doesn't like a good souvlaki?) Anyway, a new one just opened up in the Falls and weather was really bad today, so despite my preconceived notion that "Falls food" is less than delicious, a friend and I decided to give the Falls Chipotle a shot. It would be a lot easier to drive to the Falls location then trekking out to Buffalo. I should've went with my gut on the less than delicious thing. 

We did the online ordering so our food was ready when we arrived. This way we didn't have to wait in the ridiculously long line. The friend I went with was my friend Morgan who just got back from Orlando. Morgan and I are basically inseparable and do 90 percent of everything together. She is the one I can count on to never leave my side. My sister ended up going to, the love for Chipotle is real.  

Later tonight, my stomach started doing somersaults and I felt like I had an ape in my stomach that was using me as a punching bag. It was excruciating, and I'll save you from the disgusting bathroom details. It was awful. I never thought that Chipotle could do this to me. A good friend of mine from school warned me that this had happened to him which is why he only goes to Moe's now, and part of me wishes I listened to him. I don't think I will ever go back to the Niagara Falls location, just out of sheer fear. 

Food poisoning is no joke. This is my first bout with it and so I always thought people were over exaggerating when they complained about getting food poisoning, no I'm sorry I feel like death. Hopefully, I feel better tomorrow.