Sprang Break Part 2

Monday March 30

Spring Break is officially over, and I'm sitting in class. Already this fine morning I have been showered with compliments from my peers saying "you're so smart, you're funny" blah blah fucking blah. Today I'm looking forward to a spectacular day of classes until noon and then Target 2-11, yeah buddy! Sorry for the extra layer of sarcasm, I just got a 90 on a paper and I'm pissed. I'm also hungover. 

The second half of Spring Break was just as stellar as the first half. It was fun and ended with a bang last night. I'll delve into last night in just a little bit. I did some more PR work, kept up on my fitness, starting applying hardcore for summer internships, and just been enjoying life. I worked and worked and worked and was rewarded with quite a handsome check on Friday, on top of the check I received for my PR work. I love money. I know I used to complain about having a life structured around work, but the older I get the more I appreciate it. 

So last night, I got out of work and was invited to join a group of friends of the friend of mine who is moving away. They were having dinner last night at the Fuji Grill which is a local Hibachi and sushi place. It was a birthday/going away dinner. By time we were all seated around two tables there was like 15 of us. It was a huge group. It's such a fun time there because they basically pour liquor down your throat, and they like throw food in your mouth, and it's cool. So I started off with a beer, and next thing you know the chef was going around and around shooting double shots of sake into our mouths, over and over again until we were all feeling it. He kept saying "more sake, more happiness. More sake, more babies." He was a trip. So then came the obligatory photo shoot that has taken over our generation. After that one of the kids who was there invited all of us to come back to his house. So before that a few of us were feeling frisky so we decided to get cigars and smoke them, Morgan and I even stole a car during this at the gas station and drove off with it. It was hilarious. (We returned it.) it was our friends car and we did it as a joke. After that we went to the kids house and smoked out of a big ass hookah and drank wine. The wine was heavy. Eventually we left and I went home in my semi-drunken (drunken) state, and watched the Walking Dead finale, which I add, wasn't even that good. I mean it was alright but I don't understand why everyone is raving over it. It was a great end to break. It was like I came full circle as a junior alcoholic. You know, start drunk, end drunk. No shame. 

I actually don't mind working doubles. I like them a lot, but I should've did more schoolwork over break, because now I feel like I'll just be behind in my schoolwork. Whatever, I'll get it done. 

On a final note, my dreams as of late have been so wild, it sort of freaks me out.

And how could I forget? I tried seafood for the very first time last night, and I ate the whole thing. It was shrimp and I'm pretty sure I'm good with never eating it again. 

The Archdaes Chronicles Book One: Cerberus Chapter 1 UNEDITED

Here is the first chapter of the novel I am currently working on! It's short but sweet! This excerpt is from book one of a new trilogy. Book One of the Archdaes Chronicles: Cerberus. This is unedited in it's original goodness, so please enjoy!

Dunzo

Bright Future

I am finally in the world, and I am making waves. Big ones. I want my name to be known, at least locally (at first) as I build my empire. Physically and mentally I want to reach the next level. All it takes is hard work, a little bit of effort goes a long way. I want to be known as the guy people will call when they need a PR person. I aim to be "the PR Guy." The future looks bright and I am ready to take it on head first. My fire is back and this summer I'm gonna become notorious or at the very least get some more opportunities. I'm addicted to this feeling, I'm addicted to the pay checks and the experience. This is fucking cool man. But just because I have made more time for work doesn't mean I don't have time to play too.😜

I really just think it's important to do what you love. And that is what I'm doing. To have found my niche in life is such a blessing and I couldn't be more grateful to everyone who helped me get here and for all the opportunities to come in the future.

Sprang Break Part 1

Wednesday March 25

Where oh where to begin? I'm soaring.  I cannot believe how neatly everything is falling into place for me. Of course I've really been putting forth the effort. That is what makes the difference.

Right now,  I'm in the barber shop listening to the funny barber shop conversation while I wait for my turn. I'm cutting off all of my hair.  Every time I come here, I swear I feel like I'm in the movie. It's so stereotypical but not in a bad way.

Spring Break has been wonderful to me so far. It started with a bang Friday night because right after class I started drinking. First, at a Mexican restaurant and then at the best house party I have been to in recent years. I even almost did coke!  It was so cool! Anyway, the party was for a friend of mine who is moving to Florida with her boyfriend.  It was their conjoined going away party and boy did I drink. Which of course was bad, because I was supposed to be the DD. (Oops, sorry not sorry. I had fun.) Morgan ended up driving me home but we'll get to that. I was supposed to be driven there with Morgan, but our ride bailed on us. So guess who had to drive? Me. When we got there, there was only a handful of people standing around talking. Soon the beers and the bottles of liquor were opened and the conversation grew more liquid and less awkward. Next thing you know it was a good ol' Grand Island reunion, as if we don't have enough of those every break. Nevertheless when we all get together it's always a good time. We are a clan of junior alcoholics who like loud music and sex. Without going into too many details because I don't entirely remember everything. (My mind was preoccupied with a bottle of tequila, beer, and pineapple jungle juice) And then apparently some of the guys busted out the weed and coke and in my drunken state all I wanted was to get more messed up. Didn't happen, which I'm fine with I guess. Really fun party though, I'm so happy I went because honestly I was nervous to see everyone again, but it was awesome. The only thing that sucked was that when Morgan drove us home she turned my headlights on and I always leave them on auto mode. So when I drove the 30 seconds from her house to mine in my intoxicated state I left my lights all until my battery died, unbeknownst to me. (I really shouldn't have even driven that far I was fucked. Like, super apology drunk saying "I'm so sorry" every 5 seconds although I had nothing to apologize for.) 

So when I went to leave for work the next morning, my car was dead. This led to an awkward moment with my mom's boyfriend that got me all fired up before work. Basically he was trying to tell me how to jump my car and was trying to help me even after I told him I knew what I was doing and that I'm fine. (in fact, he was the one who didn't know what he was doing) But he insisted on being out there and telling me I need a new battery when I knew a I needed was new cables. I took my mom's car to work when mine wouldn't charge. I bought a set of new cables and bada bing my car was guuchi. Then I took Morgan to an improv show done by a local improv theater that happens to be a client of mine for class. It was phenomenal. Back to the boyfriend though, I understand he was just trying to help but I am extremely independent and prideful and when I dismiss you, it simply means I need to do something alone.

Since then break has been all work and very minimal play which I'm fine with, I get a sick high off of working on my PR stuff. The day before break started I was approached by my internship boss to promote his new movie which is premiering next month and so I got an advanced screening of it, and you know it was actually pretty good! Then I was tasked with writing a news release and sending it off to news, radio, television stations, podcasts, the whole "shabang." On top of all this I'm working a 40 hour work week and I've decided to start working out again this week. So, so much for break.

Today for example,  I truly felt like an adult in the working world it was amazing and so liberating. I woke up, layed in bed and tried to figure out what I was gonna do today, played around on Tinder a little bit, (apparently my smile warrants the heart eyes emoji, who knew?) before one of my daily Morgan phone calls told me it was time to do something. So she came over I made coffee and she helped me work on who to call and who to appeal too. (She's a PR major too, and her last name starts with P and mine with R and so one day we will start our own firm called PR-PR. Who wouldn't want to hire a company with that name?! Get outta here.) It was so fun working together on something real. Then she left and I kept working, then I made a phone call to see how my transfer was coming along to no avail. Took a shower, scheduled an oil change, went to the bank and ended up at the barber shop. I had one goal in mind: cut it all off. Then I got back to work, contacted some more media outlets and went out for dinner with my family for my brother's 18th birthday. We went to this Italian restaurant and man was it good. While we were at dinner I was contacted by a local, really well-known radio personality who I scheduled an interview with and either I, or bossman will be talking on the show about the movie. The personality was a kindred spirit in that he also attended Buff State way back when for the same major and he sort of mentored me over the phone.  It was such an amazing phone conversation and he even said I did a great job. I am in the world and I am doing the damn thing. He said I can contact him anytime and I definitely will take him up on that offer he was awesome.

Today and really, this break, have been perfect. And it's only half done. I'm so excited to see what tomorrow brings. ( Schoolwork, Target, PR stuff)

Until then

Confession

I didn't put this in the High School Post. Thought now was the right time.

Today

March 17, 2015

I have had an epiphany. I have begun to think that there is nobody out there, at least presently, that is suitable to be with me. I am too busy, too focused. I have my goals and I will make those goals. I'm going back to the gym this week for real. The ONLY reason I haven't is because I was afraid of people making fun of me for "working out wrong." Fuck that. I don't care anymore. I will listen to my music run and lift and not give a damn. I'm focused on my work, my schooling and my ongoing internship. Today I was tasked with booking some radio  interviews for the bossman. He also wants me to completely tackle his PR campaign for a movie releasing in a month anyway I see fit. I got an advanced screening of the movie,  look at me go.

I think I need to wait until I am older to get serious with anyone. What I need is support and I just fear that the people I have considered as my other half aren't the supportive type. I go out of my way to support others, it would be nice is all. If these individuals could prove to me that they would be able to support me and understand that I won't always be there but that doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not still thinking about them 24/7, it doesn't mean I don't love them. This is the kind of person I need.

I'm just thinking, and scheduling,  and thinking some more. All I hear swimming around in my head right now is: work, PR, intership, MONEY, school,  alcohol, and then fighting with those thoughts are my more human emotions. It's so hard to balance the two sometime.

And I know what you're thinking now. What about sex? Truth is, I don't know; as lame as it sounds I think I care more about the person and the emotional connection then the sex. You know,  yeah it's cool and it feels good but it isn't everything. It's so easy to get drunk and fuck. It's so easy to have sex. But what's hard is making that emotional connection. What's hard, especially for me, is expressing how I feel towards another person. I'll get there someday.

This is what happens when I have school followed by work. I get to thinking.

Laters baby. (Do you get the reference?  I'm so ashamed.)

Yesterday

March 16, 2015

So, yesterday was one of the biggest days/holidays in Buffalo. It was the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Aka the day when all of us Buffalonians live up to our alcoholic name. Basically you start drinking as soon as you wake up in the morning and don't stop until that evening. I got fucked up. Just kidding. I was too terrified to get too drunk because I had to call into work.

And so it was. I pushed my way through a sea of green people and beer into a coffee shop and I made the call. My reasoning for not coming into work was as follows: my 17-year-old younger brother got arrested at the parade and I was on my way to rescue him because my mom was out of town with her boyfriend.  I mean that would explain the background noise right? That sounds convincing right? Whatever. They accepted my plea without any struggle. I do often tend to question the intelligence of the people around me.

I saw people I don't really converse with all too much and many I only see in passing at the bars or in Canada. People from high school. People from work. I embraced all of them. Literally. When I have enough alcohol in my system, I hug. I wish I would've got drunker. I wish I would've blacked out. I made really sexy eye contact with some select individuals and the sexual tension was evident.

Then I sat on my future roommates couch while dreams of sugar plums danced in their heads. I sat there and watched funny things until I felt sober enough to go home. I pulled one of my disappearing acts. I pulled one at the parade too. I think I often make myself dissappear to see if anyone notices. I make myself invisible to see who would come for me. Usually nobody does. It's in these times that I find new friends to spend a few minutes to hours with or to indulge me with booze/weed/cigarettes/cigars.

I think I had fun. No, I did but I don't know something was missing. I was expecting something life-changing and miraculous to happen. Well, a part of me was anyway. I'm in a constant internal struggle between wanting the mundane pleasures of life and wanting a movie plot to be my life.

Today my day consisted of my ride or die. ( Ding - ding - ding, if you guessed Morgan you are correct!) She wanted food when I got out of class (what else is new?) and I complied. I had an advisement meeting after my last class and I ended up there for an hour. Morgan hung out with my dog at my house that whole time. She was pissed and hungry, which is always a bad combination for a woman. We ended up at Panera Bread, and then Dairy Queen for free cone day. Then I had a meeting at my car dealership and I tried to sell my car but that didn't work out. Then Starbucks. It was so us, and it's been like a week and a half since we've had one of these days.

Today was as Monday as they get man.

:/

I am so confused.  This hot and cold shit is making me crazy. Either you want me or you don't. It's that simple.

I am alive. Really alive.

March 13, 2015

The last time you heard from me was about a month ago right? Maybe more? Anyways I suppose I should get you up to speed on what's been going on since my disappearance. In the last month and a half, I.have.changed. I don't just mean physically, but mentally. I am different than I used to be. I feel as if this may be why I haven't written in so long. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Evidently, I am going to reveal my true identity within the contents of this post. Or at the very least I will reveal my first name out of fear of what could happen to me if I reveal everything. God I feel like Amy Elliot Dunne writing this. (Just finished reading Gone Girl, messed me up real good.)

In the last couple of months since the semester has begun, I have gotten fat again, (I think so, no one else does) was affected by a particularly nasty spell of SAD; (Literally sadness brought on by the winter - seasonal effective disorder) I have been kicking absolute ass at school, my grades are astronomical. I have become a quasi-alcoholic, depending on that drink every weekend to take the stress out of my life. I have borderline hooked up with randoms multiple times, including a guy (yes, you read that right) who was trying to get into my pants while I was blacked out, although I think he was too. If he wasn't he certainly acts like it, I've seen him the past two days on campus. I only know about the ordeal because I came to in the middle of him caressing my hand, and I promptly ran away. That story will most definitely be part of my lost files which I will write hopefully over spring break. What else has happened? Oh! I signed a lease on a house with two of my friends from school, and we all have a little bit of a bromance among the three of us. It's"adorkable." I move out and into my place April 1st. (April fools! Except not really, because it's actually happening.) I worry about myself this summer in the house alone most of the time because my roomies will be returning to their hometowns. I lived like a pilgrim for exactly 4 days when my phone met an unfortunate end. I got into a car accident and fled the scene, only to be followed and screamed at by an angry black woman. I turned down a cruise to Central America! Straight up backed out. My old friends have cut off complete contact with me, and oddly enough, I don't actually care. I have made so many new, real friends in the time since I last wrote, it's inconsequential. I have fallen in and out of love exactly three times, with two and a half people. I am out of shape. I have become the vice president of the PRSSA. I have tried transferring Target stores. (Jury's still out on that one) I am looking for other work opportunities. I now have a real-live Mohawk. (Mixed reviews on that one) I might be getting a new car today, I have been working diligently on my internship, with a bunch of incompetent fools. (I NEED a new one for the summer, preferably paid.) My eyes have stopped degrading. I came into a large sum of cash and promptly paid off most of my debts. I have begun to question myself and my motives, I've begun to see that I am special, to some degree. I am BRILLIANT. I am WITTY. I am WARM. (Another Gone Girl reference, I can't help myself, it's utterly haunting and phenomenal and stuck in my head.) I had a quiet nervous breakdown when I piled too much work onto myself. I'm fine now. I am calling into work Sunday in order to get drunk with my roommates at the St. Paddy's Day Parade. Who am I? My tastes have changed slightly, I like watching hockey and more stupid shows that the male population seem to like to watch without any plot line, or any effort put into the writing at all. I like bad Netflix movies. I like to sip a beer while watching these things. I am a man. I also finally know and understand what and who I want, and one of my lusts actually falls into the cliche of "been right in front of you the whole time." Fuck.

 I say I don't want to marry or have children but this is a lie. A cold painful lie. I want to be a good husband and father. I want the stupid dog, I want the white picket fence, I want to play catch with my kids. I want all that sappy shit. My shell has been cracked. I'm 255% more human than I have ever been and that scares the shit out of me. Drunk Zack (me) can attest to that. The me I am when I am drunk is vastly different from when I am sober. When sober I am cold, calculating, everything is my joke, the world is mine to laugh at. I think deeply before saying something. I think of every scenario and come up with back-up plans on the spot. I am a genius. When I am drunk or high,(I've been smoking lately again, weed and cigarettes.) I become weak. I can't stop words from rolling off of my tongue. I become a "hugger." I have allowed this trait to bleed into my actual life. I like being kind to people, I like human contact. I think depriving myself of it for so long has made me crave it all the more. I like both sides of me I decided, my friends agree. I'm pretty sure I know what direction my life is headed and I love that. There are some things I will not disclose on here, some things that must be kept to myself for the time being. I am a slut. In more ways then one. It is possible, you know. I will let you do what you will with that.

I have begun reading a new book every week. I am well-read. Who am I? You know, I continually bring up the theme of who I am, but the truth is I am me. I am Zack. I am finally happy. I am me. I am hungover and I am ecstatic. I am sure I've forgotten some things but these recollections will come back to me in time.

We'll talk soon.

Zack. (AKA John Doe)

Apologies

I'm not dead. I'm still here. So much has happened since my disappearance. I will bring you up to speed tonight. I am back. I'm sorry.