Rule #1: distance yourself from everybody to some degree because no matter who they are everybody goes away or leaves in the end.

Some people are destined to be alone. I am one of those people, and so I will throw myself into my work to make my life better.

This curse of mine is mine to bear alone. I've accepted it. This is why my shoulders are so broad and my legs so sturdy; to carry the weight is my responsibility alone.

Trabajo

Honestly, work is one of my favorite things. I complain and complain but I love working and making money, and doing professional things, and setting up events, and even homework and honestly that drink at the end of the week is so much more rewarding when I feel I've accomplished something.

Last 5 Items on My Amazon Recently Watched

I am a firm believer in binge watching television shows, especially as the weather gets colder; the following 5 titles are the most recently watched in my Amazon Instant Video account. All five are highly entertaining, and worth the watch. Trust me!

Entourage: Season 6
Workaholics Season 5
Bar Rescue Season 1
Teen Wolf Season 4
Catfish Season 1

Now I don't know how many of you are PR people, but most of these values will apply to you professionally as well. September is #PREthics month within the industry and last Thursday I attended a lovely presentation on just that topic.


https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B00bc2RFo0LNNE1pLU9GSlBCZFE/view?usp=sharing

One Day

So I thought of something therapeutic to do, and that is to make a list of ten things that you one day fully intentionally plan to do.  Try it, seriously, it's liberating.

One Day I'm gonna move away.
One Day I'm gonna run for office.
One Day I'm gonna be a dad.
One Day I'm gonna own a Fortune 500 company.
One Day I'm gonna see Europe.
One Day I'm gonna graduate from at least Grad School.
One Day I'm gonna direct a movie.
One Day I'm gonna drive a very nice car.
One Day I'm gonna be able to spend money recklessly.
One Day I'm gonna finish my book.

Extra: One Day I'm gonna love and be loved in return.

I'm Back Baby

The lack of posting on my part has been really lame because I re-dedicated myself to this endeavor and failed miserably. But I'm back bitches and I'm taking over this city. 

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I never thought about it.....

Im very happy

LOL

UPDATES 2 NITE BABIES

I Feel Bad but I Shouldn't

Priorities

Growing up has a lot to do with priorities. A lot of my peers don't understand this. How is one still obsessed with "going out" in senior year of college. I don't know if maybe I just got all of my partying out of the way this summer or what it is, but I just don't even have a desire to get drunk or go to a bar on a weeknight. Maybe meet a friend for a casual drink, but not go full out. At this point in our lives, at least the way I see it, its time to buck up or fuck up. The supreme importance of taking life seriously has no drawbacks. Sure have fun but in moderation. Even if it is the first week of school, chill. Maybe I've just evolved further then my peers, maybe I just see things through a cracked window, and what I see is distorted. These are not questions, but rather statements based upon observations.

What a weekend

This is a picture of me speaking to the incoming PR freshmen today at the Buffalo State College freshmen orientation about the PRSSA and PR program at the school. It was super cool to talk to these kids and answer a lot of the same questions I had three years ago.

Teen Wolf Season 5 Midseason Finale

I was gonna post a review of last night's midseason finale of Teen Wolf but this sums it up pretty well. It's sad how far the show has fallen, like it literally is tragic because it was so good right around season 3 when the show peaked.

Teen Wolf: "Status Asthmaticus"

Car has been located by police by the way.

I'm in Trouble

Yesterday, I was so content with a monogamous relationship. Not that I'm in one of course, I just felt like going into the new semester with a significant other, and it felt like I was FINALLY ready to settle down.

And then...... today happened. Today was move-in day for the freshmen of Buffalo State College, and I work in the Target closest to the school. Literally 5 minutes away, so you should be able to start piecing together my thinking now. This particular freshmen class were all in the store today buying last minute stuff for their dorm rooms, a lot of it electronics which is in my department of the store. This class is hot. Like really attractive. I don't know man, I was having some crazy sexy thoughts. I was flirting HARD today. This scares me because this is my first true semester not living at home at all.

So you see, this semester can go one of two ways. I can settle down for a while with a "bae," or I could not. There's a part of me, and I don't know how dominant that part may be, but I want to unleash the beast. Whether that's on one or many remains to be seen. I. am. scared. If somebody locks this down soon, these thoughts will cease immediately, but if not.......

Somebody stole my fucking car.

Last Five Songs Played on My Shuffle

5. Your Sword Versus My Dagger - Silverstein

4. I'm Ragin' - Bei Maejor (feat. Sammy Adams)

3. Heaven Nor Hell - Volbeat

2. In The Morning - J. Cole (feat. Drake)

1. Back to the Future (Theme Song) - John Williams

Yup, That's Me

Shameless. Zack Reese (@ZackReese1) | Twitter Zack Reese (@zackreese1) * Instagram photos and videos

                                                                

THE MAZE RUNNER REVIEW

So.... finished The Maze Runner book and had to see the movie because based on trailers it looked pretty spot on. Let me start with the book.

 The book was phenomenal. Like really, really good! Kudos to Mr. James Dashner for keeping me questioning and on my toes throughout the entirety of the novel. The whole idea of this dystopian society that you don't realize is a dystopian society until the end is so haunting. Throughout the novel, the kids (who all happen to be male until the arrival of Theresa) involved are put through hell living in the "Glade" which basically translates to a low-scale homestead which is surrounded by the "Maze" in which creatures called Grievers live and attack those who enter it. The Maze also changes everyday and within the Maze lies the answer to the boys freedom. On top of all of this, none of the boys have any memories of their life prior to entering the Glade. This left Dashner with a unique storytelling viewpoint in that the reader literally knew as much about well, everything, as the main character Thomas, and his cohorts. As the story progresses, Thomas bonds with the leader Alby, his second-in-command Newt, the Keeper (leader) of the Runners (boys who run throughout the Maze looking for the exit) Minho, cute adorkable sidekick Chuck, antagonist Gally, among others. The day after Thomas's arrival to the Glade, a girl named Theresa is delivered to the Glade by the "Creators." This is strange for two reasons: 1. Theresa is a girl and 2. "Gladers" have always been sent up a month apart from each other. This is when things go from bad to worse, Theresa comes with a message from the Creators, and the events of the book starts rolling towards the climax which is the escape from the Maze. All of stuff happens in between, which I will not spoil here, and the book ends with a cliffhanger leading to the second book The Scorch Trials, which I have yet to read.

Dashner writes in a way that doesn't allow you to put the book down once the action starts, AND DOESN'T END. Literally the plot moves at a break-neck pace until the last page and he handles it fabulously. You want to keep reading for answers, some of which you receive as the story goes on, many are still burning. The character dynamics are incredible and the characters feel like real people. You feel for them. The Thomas-Theresa relationship is so deep and described so well by their "gift." The Thomas-Chuck relationship is so lovely and I saw how that would turn out a mile away. Thomas and Newt, Thomas and Minho, and the list goes on. (As the story is told from Thomas's perspective, most of the relationships in the book are his.) Cannot wait to pick up Book 2. Easily 4 1/2 stars out of 5, simply because of how frustrating the first few chapters were although they made sense later on. Complete sense.

The Maze Runner

The movie deviated from the source material A LOT and quite frequently. It more-or-less fleshed out some minor characters more, and showed more character to character interaction. In changing some plot points, a lot was lost (Especially in the dynamics between Thomas with Theresa, Chuck, and Newt) but the changes that were made, made sense for the story the movie was telling. It did a lot more showing, than telling and dramatized the novel. Dylan O'Brien of Teen Wolf  plays Thomas eloquently, and is supported by a cast including Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Kaya Scolderio among other new and seasoned young actors. All of the actors portray their characters believably and I have said in conversation many times how amazing an actor O'Brien is. The soundtrack makes your blood pump and the visuals are stunning. The Grievers were especially scary.

I think what I love about the movie the most is that it's just as must everybody else's story as it is Thomas's. Wes Ball (the director) has a certain dark take on the story that brings a sense of realism to it. the changes were overly justified and although risky, I would say the risk worked out in his favor as the film is critically acclaimed by readers, and movie goers alike.  I would give the movie four out of five stars.

                       

Aloneeeeeeeee

Might I just reiterate how single I am? I sat at home tonight alone like a lonely old man and fixed myself dinner, watched Big Brother and yelled at the TV as if the houseguests could hear me, and cleaned the house. Then the girls downstairs offered to share some of their weed with me and I turned them down. What even.   

Current Mood.

My phone died forever three days ago and not one person besides my mother has really tried to contact me.

7 Things Unique to Buffalo

Absolute;y obsessed with this article just give it a read.


7 Things That Are Uniquely Buffalo, Because There's More To This City Than Wings

On my way to the Chris Brown One Hell of a Nite tour in lawn seating, fingers crossed I don't die.

Tips for Going Back to School

Trip Fest

I made this video a little under a year ago for one of my classes and I found it on my YouTube channel, so I'm putting the link for it here; I just really like it and how trippy it is.

It was created with the idea of time in mind and how we spend time everyday doing different things and crossing paths with other people and not realizing it. Another thing I thought about is how all motion is a derivative of time, which in of itself is such an earth shattering realization. I got an A on it, just sayin'.

The second song in the video was created by a guy in my group for the project and he and a girl in the group contributed some of the video footage. Then I put everything together, and added the tracks, it took awhile but the end product turned out great!

 “Time is a constant motion. It is a part of everything that we do. Without time, there is nothing. Even daily, mundane activities require time. It is a constant motion, never ending.”  - Me

Football is Back!

Football is officially back with the preseason games starting yesterday and I thought this article pretty well summed up the best teams in the NFL based on win ratio. Although with "Deflategate" being exposed is 122 truly the Pats win count, or is that contrived. The world will never know. It is disconcerting to see the Bills so low on the totem pole though, good God. At least they're not last like the Sabres. *Cue eye roll.* The thing is, we Buffalo people know our teams are garbage but we still root for them harder than anybody else. I will say this though, if the Bills get their shit together early on in the season, and don't fuck up their fourth quarters in most games as per the usual, playoffs is a possibility. 

Anyway, check out the article below courtesy of For the Win! and USA Today Sports.

The NFL's winningest teams over the past 10 years: RANKED!

More on This Soon!

Be on the lookout for more regarding this soon! ;)

Maze Runner - Book

I'm reading The Maze Runner right now by James Dashner. It's ridiculously good and got good really quickly after an annoyingly confusing beginning, will update with full review when finished.

Yee Yeeee

Yesterday, I received some very exciting news/ new opportunities! I can't really speak much on them now, until paperwork is finalized and what not, but be on the look out for more of me soon!

I will keep y'all updated!

Make it a great one!

I Am Old

I just sent an edible arrangement to my mom's office for her birthday today from my work computer. I am so old it's disgusting. On the card attached to the basket I told her that we should catch dinner some time next week since she'll be gone all weekend with her boyfriend. I am a fossil. Last weekend I stayed in and slept/"Netflixed" for 2 days. What. However, I have gone pretty hard for every weekend since summer began so it's only natural to hit a wall at some point, I suppose.

UPDATE: Mom just texted me. She's gushing over the edible arrangement, I did well! Now I'm just waiting for the obligatory Facebook post, moms love "the book." 

Summer 2015 Playlist

These 15 songs are the songs I have listened to the most this summer (in no particular order):

1.) Lean On - Major Lazer feat. MO & DJ Snake

2.) Bad Blood - Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

3.) Take Your Time - Sam Hunt

4.) House Party - Sam Hunt

5.) Marvin Gaye - Charlie Puth feat. Meghan Trainor

6.) Beast - Mia Martina feat. Waka Flocka

7.) Bad Girls - MKTO

8.) The Hills - The Weekend

9.) Never Been In Love - Cobra Starship feat. Icono Pop

10.) Post To Be - Omarion feat. Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko

11.) Worth It - Fifth Harmony feat. Kid Ink (Hate to admit this one, but it's catchy af.)

12.) Help! - The Beatles

13.) Bartender - Lady Antebellum

14.) Bitch I'm Madonna - Madonna

15.) Back To Back - Drake

716 Pride Post

Buffalo keeps on impressing me, and I thought this article was worth the read. Good for the BNMC (despite the fact that they might lack some judgement for turning me down for an internship position after two stellar interviews)! Buffalo biomedical research gets $20 million boost from NIH - The Buffalo News

I BAKED A CAKE FOR THE FIRST TIME

OTP

Not ashamed or afraid to admit that I am a huge Teen Wolf fanboy and have been since the 3rd season was airing. I watched seasons 1 and 2 in a week and started season 3 and was blown away. It's honestly probably my favorite show at the moment aside from Entourage (and of course Degrassi will always have a special place in my heart). There are just so many twists and turns and it's so suspenseful and wow. So good. It gets crapped on way too much. I mean season 4 and 5 were/are a little on the weak side but I'm still holding out.

Anyways whether you care to admit it or not in all shows we follow you have a couple you're rooting for to make it at the end of the run. With Friends it was Ross and Rachel, Walking Dead it's Maggie and Glenn (although I was always rooting for Tyrese and Michonne :/ ). In media such as TV shows, these pairings are referred to as OTPs. One True Pairings. My OTP for Teen Wolf will always be Stydia.

I LOVE the chemistry between Stiles and Lydia, and Holland Roden is perfection in human form. She is honestly my dream girl. I can't explain it on and off set Holland/Lydia seems to be so smart, and witty, and kind. She's also unbelievably gorgeous. And then there's sweet baby Stiles who has been in love with Lydia since grade school, and slowly you can see her kind of reciprocate those feelings and it's so adorable and that's the kind of thing I would want, you know since I feel as if Stiles and I parallel each other. When I watch him it's like I'm watching a version of myself.

I hope these two end up together in the end, or that she ends up with me. STYDIA FTW.

Crazy

Summer really can seem like forever in comparison to the rest of the year. I feel like it's in it's own temporal loop or something. So much has happened this summer; it's probably one of my favorites ever! So many new memories and amazing moments. I shall dub Summer 2k15 as the Summer of New Experiences. So blessed to be alive and truly appreciate this precious time in my life.

Make it a great one!

I'm Just Saying

If you make it into a coveted spot on my "shit list," you must've really done something to piss me off, or repeatedly pissed me off.

It's extremely difficult to make the list and even harder to get off of it.

Don't test me. 😊

Make it a great one!

How Much Does Personal Appearance Have to do with Perception?



Left - Before (with a slight shave)
Right - After



For the last two weeks, I've been conducting a little social experiment on how people perceive/treat you differently depending on aesthetic factors. In lamens terms, attractiveness. The experiment was conducte on my peers and customers at the Target store where I work in North Buffalo.

I have only been working in this Target store since April, due to transferring from the Niagara Falls Target store. Right around this time I decided to stop cutting my hair. I think I was going through a BoHo phase, or maybe I was just plain cheap, I couldn't tell you; the point is I had never had my hair short at my new store, I had also stopped shaving for the most part, and wore only my glasses, never contacts.



Two weeks ago, I buzzed off all of my lucious curls, and I decided to go the whole nine yards after receiving compliment after compliment on my hair. This led me to the creation of my hyptohesis, which was: the more effort I put into my appearence, the more likely people were going to A.) treat me abnormally and B.) customers would be more willing to buy things from me. The next day I showed up in a Target polo, tight khakis with a belt around my waist (typically I would wear khakis with some sag to them and no belt.), my earrings in, contacts in, chapstick on (making my lips look fuller and shinier in a "manish" way, and white Nike Air Sneakers (usually I would wear a pair of Nike running shoes). I shaved my unruly beard into something much more tame and not so long; just a thin chin strap to accent my face better. I also threw on a splash of cologne for good measure.

The response was instantaeneous. Over the course of the next week my co-workers were asking "where are your glasses?" There were also a ton of double takes from my peers and customer's alike. Some of my co-workers thought I was somebody else entirely or a new employee. The compliments and exclamations of disbelief kept on pouring in. Eye contact increased, people smiled upon laying eyes on me, and I have found that I was approached with questions more and more.

The other thing that I found insane was how different I felt. I felt confident. I found myself smiling for no reason, and I found myself flashing my teeth and teasing my co-workers and customers. I found myself flirting harder than I ever had with everyone. I used lines and winks that I didn't even know I had in me. I was bubbly, and now I realize I had become an independant variable, and an unexpected one at that.



I think the mixture of my confidence and people bolstering that confidence led to the biggest increase in my sales. People have begun buying things without question simply because I suggested it and smiled. I've also begun to get people to sign up for credit cards through Target which before my transformation, was almost impossible for me. I would just get a stoic "no" when I asked customers.

So in conclusion, it would appear that my hypothesis was spot-on despite the unexpected variable of my confidence increase, which I didn't even know I was suffering from a lack of. People treated me differently, smiling at me more, complimenting me more, hitting on me, flirting with me, and staring/talking to me longer than usual. My sales have also incresed ten-fold. Hell, yesterday I got a lady to buy an iPod Touch with four accsessories, and a replacement plan, and a couple to sign up for a credit card despite their reservations. People treat you better when you take care and groom yourself. People treat you better when you feel good and look good. People treat you better when you are confident in your own skin, and smile more often.

Making little changes in order to feel good about yourself can never steer you wrong. Have confidence and unleash it on the world! Let this experiment be a little indication on what you can do too!

Make it a great one!



12 Tips for Living a Longer Life (Courtesy of NY Times)

The excerpt below came from the NY Times "mini-article" - 12 Tips for Living a Longer Life. Compiled by TIFFANY FRASIER. These tips come from "longevity expert" Dan Buettner.

"1. Drink coffee. “It’s one of the biggest sources of antioxidants in the American diet.”

2. Skip the juicing. “The glycemic index on that is as bad as Coke. For eight ounces, there’s 14 grams of sugar. People get suckered into thinking, ‘Oh, I’m drinking this juice.’ Skip the juicing. Eat the fruit. Or eat the vegetable.”

3. You should also skip the protein shake.

4. Go for long walks.

5. It’s O.K. to drink red wine. “A glass of wine is better than a glass of water with a Mediterranean meal.”

6. High-impact exercise winds up doing as much harm as good. “You can’t be pounding your joints with marathons and pumping iron. You’ll never see me doing CrossFit.” Instead stick to activities like biking, yoga and, yes, walking.

7. Cook mostly vegetarian meals that are heavy on fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, 100 percent whole-grain bread, oatmeal and avocados.

8. Hold the butter. “My view is that butter, lard and other animal fats are a bit like radiation: a dollop a couple of times a week probably isn’t going to hurt you, but we don’t know the safe level.” Use olive oil instead.

9. Eat meat and fish only sparingly.

10. Try to stay away from cow’s milk. Use soy milk instead.

11. There’s no need to avoid carbs if you add freshly baked loaves of bread to a meal. “A true sourdough bread will actually lower the glycemic load of a meal. But it has to be a real sourdough bread.”

12. Eat in good company. It’s not just about what you eat, but how you eat, and how much you and your friends enjoy a meal together: “The secret sauce is the right mix of friends.”"

What I find intersting is his advice to lay off of meats and cow milk. Growing up we were told to have our diets be rich in these two aspects as well as our greens. Milk made your bones strong and meat was the optimal source of protein.

I also found the fresh bread bit intersting because I would have never thought that could make an impact on longevity. Honestly though apart from those three I employ the nine other tips daily-ish and that's encouraging.

However, I did notice he didn't say anything about beer, but I think I already know what effects that can have on the body and life span. Maybe cutting down on my beer intake wouldn't be such a bad idea.

SOCIAL MEDIA PET PEEVES

Alright I am peeved. So I'm sitting at my desk at work and scrolling through my Twitter and Facebook timelines. (Because between every case I work, I need a mental break.) There is an endless list of things that set me off while scrolling through but the big two for me are:

1.) Posting too personal information on your accounts, and by that I mean posting shit that nobody would care about, and that is so personally relevant to you that you probably shouldn't be alerting the public at large to it, because it makes you look like a pathetic moron. For example, a Facebook friend that I have but I absolutely despise for a number of reasons, (I only remain friends with them because we are both board members for a PR organization.) made a status the other day telling everybody that he was approved for his first credit card. .... .... ..... WHO THE FUCK CARES? People who post that kind of stuff drive me absolutely insane. Or those posters that post everything. Like I'm really happy that you got around to making it to the gym today and you want people to applaud you for that, and I'm gonna let you finish but NOBODY CARES.

2.) Posting all of your inner thoughts and feelings, and being over melodramtic with it to clearly get the attention of somebody or have somebody ask "what's wrong?" Instead of polluting everybody's timelines with posts saying how sad you are or pictures of other people's overdramatic words, talk to somebody. In person. The whole teenage angst thing was cool back in 2010 along with wearing black and pop-punk banks. Move on. Talk to your friends, family, or even a therapist for heaven's sake. Because truthfully, it's pathetic and really pitiful. Like people don't feel bad that you're unhappy, they feel bad that you're being such a lame. C'est la vie! The people who generally post this depressing shit are far to young to be wasting their time and energy, it'll be okay I assure you.

I apologize for the vulgarity, but really if you are that much into yourself or your feelings, seek help. Or like write in a diary or something, but don't put it all over your accounts because in a few years you'll look back and ask yourself "Why did I do that? What was the point?" and "Did anybody actually care?"

Make it a great one!

Get in touch and follow me on the following social media outlets:

Twitter - zackreese1

Instagram - zackreese1

Snapchat -zackreese

It is my belief that how you look can reflect how you feel. Have the confidence to try out new looks and styles and find your own niche that reflects you.

Below are a few of my summer looks. Whether it's lounging,  or a day at the beach, the office, a date or a night out; a combination of comfort and style is key!

Look your best today, and look how you feel, F DA H8ERS MAN!

Summer 2K15 Part 1

#flipagram #MajorLazer made with @flipagram . http://flipagram.com/f/a0W8vswxBV

Jelousy

Good morning,

I feel like jealousy is an empty sentiment, like why would you go out of your way to feel disdain for someone else's good fortune. Or, what in many cases, appears to be good fortune. Not to come off as cliché, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side, sometimes it's shit brown.

Another thing about jealously is that those who suffer from it want others around them to feel as they do and feel equally miserable. It is a part of the human condition after all.  I mean there is a reason envy is one of the seven deadly sins.

I am a firm believer in finding the beauty of your own life and rolling with it. Why waste bad energy being jealous of anybody else, when you can put forth that energy towards attaining what it is you want. I'm not saying that petty jealously won't happen, because it will. But a heavy jealousy and an outward hatred of another person are not the way to go about it. Neither is making other people miserable. Don't waste the time or effort. Be a go-getter.

Not to sound all "Shia LaBeouf" but, JUST DO IT! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. Let go of your jealous inhibitions and embrace your inner power and self-worth.

Make it a great one!

Re-uploaded posts

There are a couple of posts that were Re-uploaded because I had to take out some nasty dialogue, that I simply couldn't have polluting my blog any longer. Any other hurtful things within the confines of this page, towards mostly anybody doesn't equate to how I feel any longer. A part of me accepting true happiness was to let go of many demons and grudges that I carried within myself. It's important to me that anybody hurt by any of my words can approach me about them and they need to know I don't care anymore and I will welcome anybody with open arms, if they'll have me. This I mean wholeheartedly.

One more thing that I find important to mention is that I will not be commenting on the physicality of my private relationships because frankly what I do and who with is not anybody's business besides those involved. It's a disrespect otherwise, it's too unfortunate we live in a time where others don't share these views. If I choose to share, I will. I believe I can attribute this thinking to my upbringing where speaking about anything "adult" was nonexistent.

Renaissance

Philosophically I've been playing around with a ton of ideas lately, I've been doing a ton of thinking. I've been thinking more about the now and more about myself everyday. I'm finally happy in my own skin, and I feel as if I belong. Yesterday, I went to the beach and while my friends were off playing volleyball, I came to a realization. I'm happy. I am truly, undeniably happy. I feel alive, and I feel free. I'm absolutely terrified for the semester to start.

Right now, I'm living alone. One of my favorite things has become grocery shopping. The simple act of shopping for food and things for the house have made me so happy.

Last night I took a bubble bath, and never have I felt manlier. You know, it's strange but as I relaxed in the steaming water, with my smooth jazz iTunes radio station, and pineapple and vanilla cake candles burning, I felt like a man. I felt like my own man.

This summer has changed my life. I just feel good all the time. Happy. Being on my own with my bills and working two jobs has been an incredible blessing that I will forever be grateful for. It's as if I was made for this life. I love being at work, because both of my jobs have shifted from places I have to go to, to places where I can be with friends, who care about me and understand me. It just so happens that I get paid while hanging out with these very special people. And one of the jobs happens to be in an office building downtown, which of course, I have only ever dreamed of, and have always desired.

I really feel like my own person, so much so that I'm a little terrified for my roommates to move back in, because no longer will it be my bathroom, my kitchen, or my hallway. It will be ours and I have to share again. Call it selfish, but it is the human condition.

I think I might be in love. And developing feelings for another. And another, and another. If you've ever read any of my posts, you know how I am. However, I would consider myself very much single right now. Im just having fun. Speaking of my previous posts, I want those to be seen as a chapter in a previous life of mine. I am NOT who I was a simple couple of months ago. This summer changed me. As I post more and more I hope that those reading can sympathize with my change and see that I really have come into my own. This is the new me. This post will begin a new chapter for Mr. Zack Reese. A chapter I am delighted and honored to share with anybody who would like to be a part of it, virtually or otherwise. I look forward to embarking on this journey and my ever-evolving and growing writing style.

At this point there are still a few more weeks of summer and I'm not going to make false or empty promises of posting more frequently, because that will come more gradually over time. Life has inspired me to pick up my pen again, or to type, rather. Life is beautiful, and I once again I am so blessed to be able to share it with you.

Instagram: zackreese1
Twitter: zackreese1
Snapchat: zackreese

Pilgrims

I've decided to distance myself from social media when a couple nights ago, I found myself absolutely creeping on everybody I work with at Target. This and very minimal use of Facebook are all I'm going to employ the use of until the end of summer. 3 months. In these three months, I hope to make real connections, not based off of social media. While I love social media, I do believe it is destroying what little culture we have left.

There will be more on this and what else has been going on in my life later today. If anybody's reading these, my heart goes out to you, if not, well, that is fine too.

Talk to ya.

By the way, below is a picture of my that I just find hilarious.

-Zack

Sprang Break Part 2

Monday March 30

Spring Break is officially over, and I'm sitting in class. Already this fine morning I have been showered with compliments from my peers saying "you're so smart, you're funny" blah blah fucking blah. Today I'm looking forward to a spectacular day of classes until noon and then Target 2-11, yeah buddy! Sorry for the extra layer of sarcasm, I just got a 90 on a paper and I'm pissed. I'm also hungover. 

The second half of Spring Break was just as stellar as the first half. It was fun and ended with a bang last night. I'll delve into last night in just a little bit. I did some more PR work, kept up on my fitness, starting applying hardcore for summer internships, and just been enjoying life. I worked and worked and worked and was rewarded with quite a handsome check on Friday, on top of the check I received for my PR work. I love money. I know I used to complain about having a life structured around work, but the older I get the more I appreciate it. 

So last night, I got out of work and was invited to join a group of friends of the friend of mine who is moving away. They were having dinner last night at the Fuji Grill which is a local Hibachi and sushi place. It was a birthday/going away dinner. By time we were all seated around two tables there was like 15 of us. It was a huge group. It's such a fun time there because they basically pour liquor down your throat, and they like throw food in your mouth, and it's cool. So I started off with a beer, and next thing you know the chef was going around and around shooting double shots of sake into our mouths, over and over again until we were all feeling it. He kept saying "more sake, more happiness. More sake, more babies." He was a trip. So then came the obligatory photo shoot that has taken over our generation. After that one of the kids who was there invited all of us to come back to his house. So before that a few of us were feeling frisky so we decided to get cigars and smoke them, Morgan and I even stole a car during this at the gas station and drove off with it. It was hilarious. (We returned it.) it was our friends car and we did it as a joke. After that we went to the kids house and smoked out of a big ass hookah and drank wine. The wine was heavy. Eventually we left and I went home in my semi-drunken (drunken) state, and watched the Walking Dead finale, which I add, wasn't even that good. I mean it was alright but I don't understand why everyone is raving over it. It was a great end to break. It was like I came full circle as a junior alcoholic. You know, start drunk, end drunk. No shame. 

I actually don't mind working doubles. I like them a lot, but I should've did more schoolwork over break, because now I feel like I'll just be behind in my schoolwork. Whatever, I'll get it done. 

On a final note, my dreams as of late have been so wild, it sort of freaks me out.

And how could I forget? I tried seafood for the very first time last night, and I ate the whole thing. It was shrimp and I'm pretty sure I'm good with never eating it again. 

The Archdaes Chronicles Book One: Cerberus Chapter 1 UNEDITED

Here is the first chapter of the novel I am currently working on! It's short but sweet! This excerpt is from book one of a new trilogy. Book One of the Archdaes Chronicles: Cerberus. This is unedited in it's original goodness, so please enjoy!

Dunzo

Bright Future

I am finally in the world, and I am making waves. Big ones. I want my name to be known, at least locally (at first) as I build my empire. Physically and mentally I want to reach the next level. All it takes is hard work, a little bit of effort goes a long way. I want to be known as the guy people will call when they need a PR person. I aim to be "the PR Guy." The future looks bright and I am ready to take it on head first. My fire is back and this summer I'm gonna become notorious or at the very least get some more opportunities. I'm addicted to this feeling, I'm addicted to the pay checks and the experience. This is fucking cool man. But just because I have made more time for work doesn't mean I don't have time to play too.😜

I really just think it's important to do what you love. And that is what I'm doing. To have found my niche in life is such a blessing and I couldn't be more grateful to everyone who helped me get here and for all the opportunities to come in the future.

Sprang Break Part 1

Wednesday March 25

Where oh where to begin? I'm soaring.  I cannot believe how neatly everything is falling into place for me. Of course I've really been putting forth the effort. That is what makes the difference.

Right now,  I'm in the barber shop listening to the funny barber shop conversation while I wait for my turn. I'm cutting off all of my hair.  Every time I come here, I swear I feel like I'm in the movie. It's so stereotypical but not in a bad way.

Spring Break has been wonderful to me so far. It started with a bang Friday night because right after class I started drinking. First, at a Mexican restaurant and then at the best house party I have been to in recent years. I even almost did coke!  It was so cool! Anyway, the party was for a friend of mine who is moving to Florida with her boyfriend.  It was their conjoined going away party and boy did I drink. Which of course was bad, because I was supposed to be the DD. (Oops, sorry not sorry. I had fun.) Morgan ended up driving me home but we'll get to that. I was supposed to be driven there with Morgan, but our ride bailed on us. So guess who had to drive? Me. When we got there, there was only a handful of people standing around talking. Soon the beers and the bottles of liquor were opened and the conversation grew more liquid and less awkward. Next thing you know it was a good ol' Grand Island reunion, as if we don't have enough of those every break. Nevertheless when we all get together it's always a good time. We are a clan of junior alcoholics who like loud music and sex. Without going into too many details because I don't entirely remember everything. (My mind was preoccupied with a bottle of tequila, beer, and pineapple jungle juice) And then apparently some of the guys busted out the weed and coke and in my drunken state all I wanted was to get more messed up. Didn't happen, which I'm fine with I guess. Really fun party though, I'm so happy I went because honestly I was nervous to see everyone again, but it was awesome. The only thing that sucked was that when Morgan drove us home she turned my headlights on and I always leave them on auto mode. So when I drove the 30 seconds from her house to mine in my intoxicated state I left my lights all until my battery died, unbeknownst to me. (I really shouldn't have even driven that far I was fucked. Like, super apology drunk saying "I'm so sorry" every 5 seconds although I had nothing to apologize for.) 

So when I went to leave for work the next morning, my car was dead. This led to an awkward moment with my mom's boyfriend that got me all fired up before work. Basically he was trying to tell me how to jump my car and was trying to help me even after I told him I knew what I was doing and that I'm fine. (in fact, he was the one who didn't know what he was doing) But he insisted on being out there and telling me I need a new battery when I knew a I needed was new cables. I took my mom's car to work when mine wouldn't charge. I bought a set of new cables and bada bing my car was guuchi. Then I took Morgan to an improv show done by a local improv theater that happens to be a client of mine for class. It was phenomenal. Back to the boyfriend though, I understand he was just trying to help but I am extremely independent and prideful and when I dismiss you, it simply means I need to do something alone.

Since then break has been all work and very minimal play which I'm fine with, I get a sick high off of working on my PR stuff. The day before break started I was approached by my internship boss to promote his new movie which is premiering next month and so I got an advanced screening of it, and you know it was actually pretty good! Then I was tasked with writing a news release and sending it off to news, radio, television stations, podcasts, the whole "shabang." On top of all this I'm working a 40 hour work week and I've decided to start working out again this week. So, so much for break.

Today for example,  I truly felt like an adult in the working world it was amazing and so liberating. I woke up, layed in bed and tried to figure out what I was gonna do today, played around on Tinder a little bit, (apparently my smile warrants the heart eyes emoji, who knew?) before one of my daily Morgan phone calls told me it was time to do something. So she came over I made coffee and she helped me work on who to call and who to appeal too. (She's a PR major too, and her last name starts with P and mine with R and so one day we will start our own firm called PR-PR. Who wouldn't want to hire a company with that name?! Get outta here.) It was so fun working together on something real. Then she left and I kept working, then I made a phone call to see how my transfer was coming along to no avail. Took a shower, scheduled an oil change, went to the bank and ended up at the barber shop. I had one goal in mind: cut it all off. Then I got back to work, contacted some more media outlets and went out for dinner with my family for my brother's 18th birthday. We went to this Italian restaurant and man was it good. While we were at dinner I was contacted by a local, really well-known radio personality who I scheduled an interview with and either I, or bossman will be talking on the show about the movie. The personality was a kindred spirit in that he also attended Buff State way back when for the same major and he sort of mentored me over the phone.  It was such an amazing phone conversation and he even said I did a great job. I am in the world and I am doing the damn thing. He said I can contact him anytime and I definitely will take him up on that offer he was awesome.

Today and really, this break, have been perfect. And it's only half done. I'm so excited to see what tomorrow brings. ( Schoolwork, Target, PR stuff)

Until then

Confession

I didn't put this in the High School Post. Thought now was the right time.

Today

March 17, 2015

I have had an epiphany. I have begun to think that there is nobody out there, at least presently, that is suitable to be with me. I am too busy, too focused. I have my goals and I will make those goals. I'm going back to the gym this week for real. The ONLY reason I haven't is because I was afraid of people making fun of me for "working out wrong." Fuck that. I don't care anymore. I will listen to my music run and lift and not give a damn. I'm focused on my work, my schooling and my ongoing internship. Today I was tasked with booking some radio  interviews for the bossman. He also wants me to completely tackle his PR campaign for a movie releasing in a month anyway I see fit. I got an advanced screening of the movie,  look at me go.

I think I need to wait until I am older to get serious with anyone. What I need is support and I just fear that the people I have considered as my other half aren't the supportive type. I go out of my way to support others, it would be nice is all. If these individuals could prove to me that they would be able to support me and understand that I won't always be there but that doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not still thinking about them 24/7, it doesn't mean I don't love them. This is the kind of person I need.

I'm just thinking, and scheduling,  and thinking some more. All I hear swimming around in my head right now is: work, PR, intership, MONEY, school,  alcohol, and then fighting with those thoughts are my more human emotions. It's so hard to balance the two sometime.

And I know what you're thinking now. What about sex? Truth is, I don't know; as lame as it sounds I think I care more about the person and the emotional connection then the sex. You know,  yeah it's cool and it feels good but it isn't everything. It's so easy to get drunk and fuck. It's so easy to have sex. But what's hard is making that emotional connection. What's hard, especially for me, is expressing how I feel towards another person. I'll get there someday.

This is what happens when I have school followed by work. I get to thinking.

Laters baby. (Do you get the reference?  I'm so ashamed.)

Yesterday

March 16, 2015

So, yesterday was one of the biggest days/holidays in Buffalo. It was the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Aka the day when all of us Buffalonians live up to our alcoholic name. Basically you start drinking as soon as you wake up in the morning and don't stop until that evening. I got fucked up. Just kidding. I was too terrified to get too drunk because I had to call into work.

And so it was. I pushed my way through a sea of green people and beer into a coffee shop and I made the call. My reasoning for not coming into work was as follows: my 17-year-old younger brother got arrested at the parade and I was on my way to rescue him because my mom was out of town with her boyfriend.  I mean that would explain the background noise right? That sounds convincing right? Whatever. They accepted my plea without any struggle. I do often tend to question the intelligence of the people around me.

I saw people I don't really converse with all too much and many I only see in passing at the bars or in Canada. People from high school. People from work. I embraced all of them. Literally. When I have enough alcohol in my system, I hug. I wish I would've got drunker. I wish I would've blacked out. I made really sexy eye contact with some select individuals and the sexual tension was evident.

Then I sat on my future roommates couch while dreams of sugar plums danced in their heads. I sat there and watched funny things until I felt sober enough to go home. I pulled one of my disappearing acts. I pulled one at the parade too. I think I often make myself dissappear to see if anyone notices. I make myself invisible to see who would come for me. Usually nobody does. It's in these times that I find new friends to spend a few minutes to hours with or to indulge me with booze/weed/cigarettes/cigars.

I think I had fun. No, I did but I don't know something was missing. I was expecting something life-changing and miraculous to happen. Well, a part of me was anyway. I'm in a constant internal struggle between wanting the mundane pleasures of life and wanting a movie plot to be my life.

Today my day consisted of my ride or die. ( Ding - ding - ding, if you guessed Morgan you are correct!) She wanted food when I got out of class (what else is new?) and I complied. I had an advisement meeting after my last class and I ended up there for an hour. Morgan hung out with my dog at my house that whole time. She was pissed and hungry, which is always a bad combination for a woman. We ended up at Panera Bread, and then Dairy Queen for free cone day. Then I had a meeting at my car dealership and I tried to sell my car but that didn't work out. Then Starbucks. It was so us, and it's been like a week and a half since we've had one of these days.

Today was as Monday as they get man.

:/

I am so confused.  This hot and cold shit is making me crazy. Either you want me or you don't. It's that simple.

I am alive. Really alive.

March 13, 2015

The last time you heard from me was about a month ago right? Maybe more? Anyways I suppose I should get you up to speed on what's been going on since my disappearance. In the last month and a half, I.have.changed. I don't just mean physically, but mentally. I am different than I used to be. I feel as if this may be why I haven't written in so long. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Evidently, I am going to reveal my true identity within the contents of this post. Or at the very least I will reveal my first name out of fear of what could happen to me if I reveal everything. God I feel like Amy Elliot Dunne writing this. (Just finished reading Gone Girl, messed me up real good.)

In the last couple of months since the semester has begun, I have gotten fat again, (I think so, no one else does) was affected by a particularly nasty spell of SAD; (Literally sadness brought on by the winter - seasonal effective disorder) I have been kicking absolute ass at school, my grades are astronomical. I have become a quasi-alcoholic, depending on that drink every weekend to take the stress out of my life. I have borderline hooked up with randoms multiple times, including a guy (yes, you read that right) who was trying to get into my pants while I was blacked out, although I think he was too. If he wasn't he certainly acts like it, I've seen him the past two days on campus. I only know about the ordeal because I came to in the middle of him caressing my hand, and I promptly ran away. That story will most definitely be part of my lost files which I will write hopefully over spring break. What else has happened? Oh! I signed a lease on a house with two of my friends from school, and we all have a little bit of a bromance among the three of us. It's"adorkable." I move out and into my place April 1st. (April fools! Except not really, because it's actually happening.) I worry about myself this summer in the house alone most of the time because my roomies will be returning to their hometowns. I lived like a pilgrim for exactly 4 days when my phone met an unfortunate end. I got into a car accident and fled the scene, only to be followed and screamed at by an angry black woman. I turned down a cruise to Central America! Straight up backed out. My old friends have cut off complete contact with me, and oddly enough, I don't actually care. I have made so many new, real friends in the time since I last wrote, it's inconsequential. I have fallen in and out of love exactly three times, with two and a half people. I am out of shape. I have become the vice president of the PRSSA. I have tried transferring Target stores. (Jury's still out on that one) I am looking for other work opportunities. I now have a real-live Mohawk. (Mixed reviews on that one) I might be getting a new car today, I have been working diligently on my internship, with a bunch of incompetent fools. (I NEED a new one for the summer, preferably paid.) My eyes have stopped degrading. I came into a large sum of cash and promptly paid off most of my debts. I have begun to question myself and my motives, I've begun to see that I am special, to some degree. I am BRILLIANT. I am WITTY. I am WARM. (Another Gone Girl reference, I can't help myself, it's utterly haunting and phenomenal and stuck in my head.) I had a quiet nervous breakdown when I piled too much work onto myself. I'm fine now. I am calling into work Sunday in order to get drunk with my roommates at the St. Paddy's Day Parade. Who am I? My tastes have changed slightly, I like watching hockey and more stupid shows that the male population seem to like to watch without any plot line, or any effort put into the writing at all. I like bad Netflix movies. I like to sip a beer while watching these things. I am a man. I also finally know and understand what and who I want, and one of my lusts actually falls into the cliche of "been right in front of you the whole time." Fuck.

 I say I don't want to marry or have children but this is a lie. A cold painful lie. I want to be a good husband and father. I want the stupid dog, I want the white picket fence, I want to play catch with my kids. I want all that sappy shit. My shell has been cracked. I'm 255% more human than I have ever been and that scares the shit out of me. Drunk Zack (me) can attest to that. The me I am when I am drunk is vastly different from when I am sober. When sober I am cold, calculating, everything is my joke, the world is mine to laugh at. I think deeply before saying something. I think of every scenario and come up with back-up plans on the spot. I am a genius. When I am drunk or high,(I've been smoking lately again, weed and cigarettes.) I become weak. I can't stop words from rolling off of my tongue. I become a "hugger." I have allowed this trait to bleed into my actual life. I like being kind to people, I like human contact. I think depriving myself of it for so long has made me crave it all the more. I like both sides of me I decided, my friends agree. I'm pretty sure I know what direction my life is headed and I love that. There are some things I will not disclose on here, some things that must be kept to myself for the time being. I am a slut. In more ways then one. It is possible, you know. I will let you do what you will with that.

I have begun reading a new book every week. I am well-read. Who am I? You know, I continually bring up the theme of who I am, but the truth is I am me. I am Zack. I am finally happy. I am me. I am hungover and I am ecstatic. I am sure I've forgotten some things but these recollections will come back to me in time.

We'll talk soon.

Zack. (AKA John Doe)

Apologies

I'm not dead. I'm still here. So much has happened since my disappearance. I will bring you up to speed tonight. I am back. I'm sorry.

Dbhsskaaba

I'm drunk and I want to cry but I'm so happy fuck

The Reason

Confession time: I'm kind of sort of half seeing someone and so that explains my lack of posting. Posts will be up to date by tomorrow evening.

.....

I think.... I might want to go public... I was going to hold off until January 1, but I don't see the point in that to be completely honest.

First Day Back

Monday January 26

I like the first day of classes for as many reasons as I hate it. I like it because I usually look sexy, classes are super quick and I get to see who I'll be working with for the next four and a half months. I hate it because I hate the whole introduction/syllabus reading thing, (I'd rather jump into it) I don't like when I know anybody in my classes, and I can't stand how boring it is.

My first class was at 8 a.m. so in order to get there on time and beat traffic I had to wake up at 6:30. It was miserable, especially because I couldn't sleep the night before, like I predicted. My first two classes are totally real world applications. What I mean by that is that I get two clients that I have to do PR work for. I could get into the details, but that's tiresome. Basically, I get these clients one given to me for my first class, (ComedySportz Buffalo) again non-disclosure, and one I get to choose with a group in my second class.  It's riveting because I'm so close to the end I can taste it. 

My third class is a basic computer class I'm taking because last semester my advisor told me to take a bird course. I knew a kid in there who graduated two years after me, and I've only spoken to him a handful of times. I feel bad for not sitting next to him, or on his side of the room.  I didn't know anyone in my first class and only a handful in my second class. It wasn't what I was expecting. Then again, the rest of my usual colleagues are still juniors. I could write about all the awkward   "Hello, my name is _______"  and the stupid ice breakers, but I really don't feel like reliving that awkward mess. Slay me. 

Lazy Sunday

Sunday January 25

I finally begin my senior year tomorrow. It's so surreal that this time next year I will be done with undergrad and out there fighting with the rest of corporate America. I spent today mentally preparing my self and getting everything ready at my desk at home, while sleeping off last night and just having a lazy Sunday. It was perfect, despite the fact that I never had hangovers before I turned 21 and now that isn't the case anymore. I'm always nervous before my first day of classes, and I can't sleep well the night before. Ever. I just hope there are cool people in my classes tomorrow, so that I'm not on an iceberg floating alone.  

Saturday Night and We in the Spot

Saturday January 24

Directly following Target tonight, I had a three hour production meeting for the company I am doing PR for: White Lion Studios. I had to go a pick up some guy on my way to the meeting because he doesn't have a car or something like that. I was skeptical because I don't like picking up strange men I don't know and riding with them to a meeting I don't know two shits about. For all I knew, I could've been walking into a swingers convention and held against my will. Not that I would be too opposed. They call me their PR intern, but I'm heading their PR efforts so I don't know we'll see. So I went to this guys house and sat outside for five minutes before texting the bossman and asking him if I should ring the doorbell to this strange house. He sent back yes. So I walked up to the house. No doorbell. Swell. I knocked and a very angry dog on the other side started barking at me. A man on the other side screamed at it and then cracked the door and said I'll be right out. His name was Marcelo and he had a strong and heavy Puerto Rican accent. He was nice, and noticeably older. It was just awkward. Then we couldn't find the meeting location. It was in a local restaurant that the company rented out for the meeting.  It was so hard to find, but we did find it eventually. Walking in the meeting was just starting and we introduced ourselves and I gave my piece on what I'm going to be doing with the company and blah blah blah. Then I found out that Marcelo was on my team in graphics and campaigning and I was kind of thankful I had the car ride to get to know him a little bit. We're meeting for coffee this week to discuss ideas. I can't discuss further what went on in the meeting because I signed a non-disclosure agreement. All I can say is that I am working on promoting a certain show that is currently in production.I like half of the company at this time. The other half are kind of out there, or too arrogant for me to handle at the moment. I zoned out way too much during the meeting, looking forward to what the night was going to bring me. 

Boy oh boy. I'm just going to get into it. Yesterday my world traveler friend told me about her birthday party tonight at a brand new night club in the Seneca Niagara Casino called Club Stir. She had a reserved table with bottle service and it was her and her friends from work. She invited me to come as well. Why would I say no to that? Why would anybody in their right mind?

I looked hot tonight. Like really hot. Like I would do me. I had on these tighter maroon-purple pants and white shirt with blue and grey polka dots and grey shoes with blue laces. My hair was gelled to perfection, contacts in, teeth shiny. I went to the casino and parked on the ramp around 11:15 p.m. I took a huge gulp of the Hypnotiq I bought yesterday and walked in. I walked like I owned the place. Blame the French liquor. I didn't even get ID'd to go onto the casino floor. I don't look that old. I met up with my friend who's party it was. (From this point on, I'm just going to use her first name: Katherine, because honestly she won't care, she's a bro.) 

And we went to the club which was actually an open floor club in the back corner of the casino floor, pretty cool. There was a woman and her band wailing out that horrid Meghan Trainor All About that Bass song. Walking to the entrance to the club we met up with half of the party group because the other hadn't shown up yet. We all made small talk and I was introduced to everybody. They were all mildly attractive. Then the second group came and joined us, and I was impressed that they were all pretty attractive as well. I'm being underwhelming. We were a HOT group, good Lord! 

We all entered the club and piled in to our round table, complete with reserved sign and all. Everyone was so welcoming to me, it was so nice. We all sat and critiqued the band for a little bit deciding we didn't like them. We started to occasionally yell jabs at them, which obviously got worse the drunker we got. The guys aside from me all started with beer, the girls with their fruity drinks, and then there was me. I ordered two shots of patron. They were disgusting. They went down so roughly and made me catch my breath. After that I ordered a beer. Two of the three other guys had already started drinking before we got there so we were at about the same level of "drunkeness." The girls were drunk quickly, of course. More beer and more liquor and we were all chatting and then Beyoncé started playing throughout the club, after the band had taken a break. The girls were gone, and just the four of us guys remained at the table, talking about sports, beer, vaginas, and checking out random girls around the bar. Funnily enough we were all singing along and dancing at the table too. Alcohol makes making friends so much easier. Then the one guy asked us if we wanted anything from the bar and I knew I was drunk already but I said "fuck it, I'll go with you!" The two of us went to the bar, not wanting to wait for the drink waitress who was assigned to our table and one of the girls came up and asked what we were doing, (I don't just standing at the bar, what do you think?) and we told her and she said she wanted a shot and next thing you know, the guy was buying shots for everyone as well as beer for us guys. He was cool. The shots were a super mixture of liquor that left it as a milky substance with a cinnamon undertone. It was delicious. We did that thing where the group puts all their shots in the middle of them and screams, it was awesome.  We all stayed on the dance floor from that point on, and it was the best time. Even after the shitty band came back out we still danced and went wild. As the night came to an end I realized I was still a little drunk, even after chugging two water bottles. After saying my goodbyes to everyone, I walked back towards the parking garage. I hope I see them all again. I actually liked them all so much. (The one guy tripped the other, and he literally just landed on the floor and got back up, it was so funny.) I sat in the driver's seat for five minutes staring at nothing before climbing into my backseat taking out my contacts, (I had my contact case and glasses in my jacket) and laying down. I woke up maybe 20 minutes later to a guy screaming from outside my car that I hit him and dented his car. He was the car parked in front of me. I literally sat up and stared at him, knowing I did no such thing, and he got in his car and drove away. By this point I was alright to drive home, so that's what I did. It was almost 4 a.m. when I walked into my house. Best night in weeks, hands down.

Happy Hour

Friday January 23

I was so stupid today. So stupid. Today was a very close friend's birthday and she (where did all my guy friends go?) turned 21. This particular friend of mine is my world traveler friend and she frequents Europe sometimes twice a year. As a matter of fact, she just came back from Europe about two weeks ago. Anyway, she asked me if I wanted to go out for Mexican and although it was her birthday, I declined. It was like noon. No. She went with the wine girl from last night. (Small island) 

About two hours before I had to go to work she texted me to see what I was doing and I discovered she was laying on the couch at home. That's terrible and I told her we could hang out before I had to go to work because on my birthday I just laid around until she took me out for FroYo. I think a birthday should be over-celebrated, especially at our age. We went to the Falls because it was closer and she was going to a bar in Buffalo for a small get together later tonight. I had the bright idea of going back to the liquor supermarket and she bought her obligatory "I'm 21" bottle. I bought a little bottle of Hypnotiq. The same cashier was there and I was quick to avoid her line. After this we didn't have any idea of where to go, or what to do so another idea dawned on me. It was 5 o'clock and people always say "It's 5 o'clock somewhere." I put two and two together and blurted out "Let's go to happy hour!" "Don't you have work in an hour and a half?" She asked. "Yeah, whatever. Let's go!" was my response. So we went to this bar right by the bridge home and sat down at the bar and she ordered wine and I ordered a beer. A tall one. ---Fireball by Pitbull just came on my shuffle and although you can't see it I am jamming hard. Damn it now, Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars. Download these immediately and dance around your house/apartment/bedroom, I implore you. 

Then it was time for me to go to work. Problem was, I was tipsy. I drank that beer really fast AND it was huge. I could just tell that I had something in my system. I drove super carefully to work and walked in and giggled like a moron at everything that people were saying to me. One co-worker asked me "what's wrong with you?" And I replied "I just came back from happy hour." Giggling at the end and covering my face with one hand. She,with her bug mouth, told the other worker who was back there and they both gave me high fives. It was odd. I sobered up throughout my shift, and nobody else was none the wiser.

Fuck the Man-y

Thursday January 22

Oh my gosh, I didn't wake up until one this afternoon. That really sucks because I totally missed the morning which is when time still seems to be going slowest. I don't know, I just feel more productive in the morning. 

I decided to get dinner with the friend of mine who wanted me to buy her alcohol. Another friend of ours joined us as well, one who was also underaged. We went to this shabby little place on the Island and I hid my distaste for it pretty well. Afterwards came the awkward "can we go to the liquor store now?" question because I danced around the subject during the meal. Gracefully, I said yes and we headed to a liquor supermarket out in the Falls. 

I thought I would be buying these girls you know, something small maybe a bottle or two for school. I should've known that wouldn't be the case. I had a fifty dollar bill thrust into my hands and the girls went into this whole "thirty is for me, twenty is for her, use the whole thing." Kid you not, I laughed in their face at that point and asked "seriously?!" However, I am not one to back down from a challenge so it was on. They're young freshman in college so instead of tastefully telling me what they wanted they said in a broader sense that they wanted peach flavored vodka, as many bottles of white wine as possible, a bottle of pink wine, and cheap, small bottles of flavored vodka. THIS is a prime example of why I need more guy friends, all they want is beer. I walked into the store and walked out ten minutes later with bottles of Moscato, Riesling, peach Schnapps, peach Pinnacle, and some other bottle of liquor I can't remember right now. (Strawberry Smirnoff maybe?) That was about half of my allowance. (They told me to get all the cheapest bottles possible, resulting in a grimace from me. What I couldn't put together was how surprised they were with how much they had when they told me to go cheap.) I decided to be nice and took them to another liquor store downtown, by this point I was feeling put ballsy and "fuck the man-y." It was kind of a rush to be able to buy all of this liquor and only receive a look from the cashier who may be thinking that I may be an alcoholic. At the other liquor story, I bought them a bottle of pink Moscato, a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and another little liquor bottle. Bye, bye fifty bucks. 

Once I arrived back on the scene of the car, the girls had decided that they wanted to celebrate by going back to one of their houses and cracking open a bottle of wine. I decided to have one glass. We opened the Moscato and it was such a cool and regular atmosphere as we drank the wine and talked about an endless list of topics, that always somehow always came back to me and my half falling out with some of my friends. Eventually, the one girls boyfriend came home from his bowling league game. (I didn't know young people were into that stuff? That's cool.) Instantly, the mood of the room changed and became awkward and I tried to make conversation with him and he talked to me about how he's transferring to my school so we will see what becomes of that. Meanwhile, the girl who's boyfriend he wasn't was plastered on three glasses of wine and a shot of the Schnapps. I drove her home and she gratefully thanked me for the alcohol. I told her not to tell anybody where she got it. 

HWG

Wednesday January 21

I swear I'm a werewolf. No joke. So this morning I woke up to my big, dumb, 100-pound Chcolate Lab, Buster breathing by my face. It was early, and I realized I was awake because I was crouched like a creature glaring at him. I felt myself flip up and onto all fours the second I woke up and it was really fast and bizarre. The ONLY reason I know it was real was because he took off running, and I groaned and rolled over and looked at my phone to see what time it was before falling back asleep. Moral of the story: don't mess with me when I'm sleeping, I will pounce like a tiger. I knew it was going to be a weird day when that's how it started.

         Tonight was strange too. Within five minutes of clocking in at work I was bombarded with a co-worker telling me about how she was going to have a meeting with a DA over her abusive boyfriend/ex-boyfriend thing, the phone was ringing with stupid people on the other line and "Hot Wheels Guy" showed up. I suppose I should backtrack a little bit. The specific co-worker I'm referring to is one of the sweetest girls ever and she's actually hilarious too. That's why I feel  so bad for her when she comes to work crying, or tells me her stories about her boyfriend. The poor thing loves him so much that although he has assaulted her on more than one occasion, and even perforated her eardrum she still stays with him. That kind of love is terrifying. She decided to press charges and got a restraining order against him but they got back together. The first time she told me about this guy hitting her, I was furious. One of the worst things a man can do in this world is hit a woman. It's inexcusable and unacceptable. The craziest thing is that they both had a lot of fucked up shit happen to them and that has built and built and you see what happens. I'm just glad she's trying to get out of that situation. People and relationships honestly freak me out. 

I'm not even going to get into the stupid things people call the store for. It's honestly so unbelievable that people can't look up things for themselves. It's lazy. Hot Wheels Guy is this thirty-something-year-old guy who comes in to Target literally three or four times a week in his USPS uniform and destroys the Hot Wheels aisle. He also heckles whoever is working in the back of the store where Electronics and Toys are located, (usually me) to go into the back stockroom and pull out the bulk boxes of the Hot Wheels. I guess he's like a crazy collector or something, and he like really gets into it. One time, he showed me pictures on his phones of all of his stupid Hot Wheels and the guy literally has at least three of each one. He also told me he goes to all the other retail stores in the area and does the same thing. He's literally so annoying, and I always just smile and do whatever he says to get him out of the store quicker. Apparently this was the wrong way to go and I should've just been a douche because every time I see him now he yells out my name obnoxiously, shakes my hand, and talks to me about his wife. It's weird okay. It's even got to the point where he'll tell other employees and my bosses how great I am, and they're like "Who is he, a friend?" And I'm like "No, that's just Hot Wheels Guy."  

It's literally 3:30 a.m. and I'm laying in my bed watching random episodes of Degrassi. I'm not ashamed to say that I have seasons one through twelve of the show on DVD. Everybody I know makes fun of me for it, but I know deep down they all love it too, or at the very least, they've watched it and not hated it. I am so screwed for my 8 a.m. class next week. True Life: My Sleeping Schedule is Messed Up. 

Pre-Drunkness

Tuesday January 20

I was supposed to meet up with a friend for dinner this evening. That was until I blew her off. Here's the deal, said friend really only wants to hang out with me because of my age. She is  underage and she wanted me to buy her alcohol before she went back to school this weekend. So she doubled that by asking me to join her for dinner as well. Now, I don't care because number one: why would you ever say no to an opportunity to eat? And number two: I actually quite enjoy this friend and all of their wild stories, most of which are fabricated but they are entertaining nonetheless. So I had full intentions of going. Then Morgan called me and asked if I wanted to go out for Mexican with her and a couple of her friends. There's this local Mexican restaurant that is so delicious I can't even deal, and that was the place she Morgan wanted to go tonight. We also know at least half the staff because they are personal friends (a good portion we know from high school) and it's a great place to go because they don't charge us for everything, they give us discounts and a bunch of the staff come and sit with us and chit chat with their accents which I absolutely love. Going there over the years, the staff have become friends of ours and they all treat us like family. Unfortunately for my underaged friend, I had a taste for Mexican. I called my friend and asked if we could reschedule for Thursday when I'm off, but I am contemplating blowing her off again because although people did it for me, I don't know how I feel about buying for a an underaged person. My mom and her boyfriend spooked me because they said "It just takes one girl to tell the police where she got the bottle." Thanks guys.

The restaurant which is usually busy was dead. Only Morgan and I went because one of her friends had a work meeting or something so obviously that meant the other couldn't go right? I ordered a taco, a quesadilla, and a chimmy chonga. (I think that's how you spell it?) I ordered a mango margarita as well. Lemme tell you something about this margarita, it was huge, and they put so much tequila in it. It was strong. By the time I finished with it I felt that pre-drunk sensation. You know, that stupid giggly thing you get before you get belligerent. Then as a late birthday present they served me churros with vanilla ice cream. It was honestly so sweet and unexpected. And also free. Then came the sombreros, and next thing you know Morgan is having a photo shoot with a ton of the waiters and busboys, and I'm just laughing at the table, from my "pre-drunkness." I understand Spanish and I can speak it on the most basic level, so I cracking up when some of the busboys were talking about getting with Morgan after being prompted by our waitress who we have both known for years. She was completely oblivious.